I’m Sorry I Didn’t Give You The Best Of Me

The fact that I had a chance to be with you was more than I thought I would get. I didn’t look too far past that and I was too busy riding the high I was on. I wasn’t nearly as experienced as I am now. I wasn’t nearly invested in my own growth as I am now. My mind isn’t clouded in doubt anymore. I’m not as insecure as I used to be. I don’t need your approval on my own personal decisions like I used to. I feel like I put too much of my life into your hands. I didn’t think about everything that you had going on in your life. When I thought of us, there were a lot of days where I just saw me. Not only did you not deserve that, but you deserved days where you should of been my main focus. I can’t take those days back, but I can look back and realize how much I needed to learn. I’m sorry that it came at your expense.

If I could go back and change everything, would I? Yes and no. I would behave better and treat you better, but I think this was something we both needed. I think you needed to see that you deserve someone who doesn’t make things about themselves. You also needed to know that you deserve the commitment that I was unable to give you. I didn’t know your worth until after we were done being together. You deserve someone who sees your value while you’re with them. That was something I only partially saw. I saw the good and thought I was with the right person. When I saw the bad I got hesitant and a little hostile. You deserve someone to love all of you. You deserve someone that stands by the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of you.

I know you’re strong enough to overcome all the shit that everyone piles on you. I hope you find someone that helps remove that pile. I hope you find someone who takes care of you on the days where it’s hard to take care of yourself. I hope you find someone who has the temperament to deal with anything you hurl his or her way. I hope you know that anytime someone hurt you, they were envious of how confident, friendly, and approachable you were. I know that’s not something you always saw. You’re gentle heart never thawed even though people would touch it with their cold hands. You deserve endless joy, and that’s not something you’ve always gotten. That was something I couldn’t provide, but I’m glad you saw that. I hope you find someone who unselfishly gives you the best version of themselves. There are already enough ordinary and selfish people in this world. You specifically deserve someone who is extraordinary and willing to sacrifice pieces of themselves for you.