If You Wanted Me, You’d Be Here

if you wanted me, you’d be here
would have taken that flight
you wouldn’t have questioned it
questioned me
you would have wanted to take a chance,
in person,
regardless of worries held captive in your mind
you would have trusted everything would be alright

you would be here
next to me, finding ways to work through the pain
instead of fighting it back
you wouldn’t have played off my own words
you would have reminded me to ease through the past
asked to give us more genuine time
you would have tried to battle through the difficulties
instead of staying behind, fueling the fire

you would not have let me go so easily
you would have asked,
what else can i do
instead of saying
why should i do any more

you would have devised a plan, made a move
knowing all i ever did was make moves
across the world
across countries
across cities
leaving behind friends and family to constantly say goodbye
but if you wanted me, you would have made changes, too

you would have owned those changes
knowing honestly, truthfully
there was only one change you needed to do
but you allowed me to easily walk away from you
were you waiting for an excuse, waiting
for me to be exhausted and have already moved on?
guilting me into believing everything was my fault

but if you loved me, you would have said,
i will always be there
instead of saying,
why can’t you be here?

because when you love someone
you do what you need to do to be with them
even if that requires taking a risk
clenching onto your heart
letting yourself go slightly but not giving up
even if there’s the fear of crashing and burning
i can’t count on my fingers all the times
i took that risk for you
couldn’t you ever take that risk for me?

i keep convincing myself you’ll be here
have bought the flight or conquered that plan, the one
we already decided months ago
but i know, deep through the aches and the pains,
as much as i want to say i am wrong,
i’m certain that if you loved me the way you said you did, you would be here