I Won’t Text You First This Time

I’ve told myself this over and over again every time you piss me off, hurt my feelings, or blatantly disrespect me. But this time is different. This time you royally fucked up. This time you’re to blame for my behavior and the hurt I’m feeling. You’re the reason things are the way they are right now.

I constantly go out of my way to do things for you or make sure you’re having an okay day. But do you ever stop to do the same? Do you ever wonder if I’m having a bad day? Do you ever think shooting me a text to let me know you’re thinking about me would literally make my whole damn day? The truth is, I don’t actually know the answers to any of those, but based on your actions, I’m going to assume the answer would be no.

Put yourself in my shoes for once. We agreed that we are what we are and that’s enough. That’s not the problem. This right here is the problem: You don’t spend a great night with someone, and then have a fun morning together, show up to the same place for lunch, kiss her in public, and then have her find out what you’ve been doing when you’re not with her. We constantly give someone the ability to hurt us and that’s on me; that’s where I messed up. I keep looking for the best in you, but you fail me every single time.

Do you have any idea what it was like to have a girl approach me in a bar and tell me that you hit her up on a regular basis? For her to tell me that your lips touched hers? For her to tell me these things and know that none of those things were her fault because you’re the one in the wrong? I did something that I don’t do often. I cried. And that’s when it hit me.

I’m too good for this.

I deserve way more than someone who’s halfway in and halfway out. I deserve way more than someone who’s hooking up with other people while they’re hooking up with me. Realistically, if I wanted to put up with that, I would’ve just stayed with my ex. This is a respect issue. Why in the actual fuck would I want anything to do with someone, especially physically, when that person is out doing whatever with whomever? No thanks. I’m good.

I’ve taken blame for every single argument before this, but I won’t this time. I’ve always been the one who texted you first to try and make things right and be the bigger person, but I won’t this time. You need to realize that your actions have consequences. Your actions hurt people. They hurt me. Let this be a lesson. If you’ve gained anything from me in the last five months, let it be that I’ve left an imprint on you as a person and not just in your bed. Let this be a lesson that women are not expendable and even the toughest can break. Let this be a lesson that I won’t be there next time. The next time you do something stupid and need me, I won’t be there.

We have a great physical connection, but apparently you can get that from anyone. I hope you understand that this is your fault and know I won’t text you first this time.