I Probably Should Tell You I’m Sorry

It’s not easy being young. After all, as an anguished Billy Corgan once sang “youth is wasted on the young.” Youth comes with its own terms and conditions. We are unwillingly conditioned to be much too confident in the greater good and outcome of the world around us. We put our crumbling faith into the cold hands of the universe. And, far too many times, we are left to sow stitches in our hearts and to mend our broken souls.

Therefore, I should probably tell you I’m sorry for all the bitterness that came along with my youth. It was an all-inclusive package I couldn’t refuse. We almost drowned in it and I almost lost you because I was too blind and I was too angry to open my eyes. I was angry with myself and bitter because of the poor choices I had made. And, I took it all out on you; just because you happened to be by my side. It was a lapse in my judgment and a fault I will happily carry on my shoulders. Please, remember that if I could I would do it differently.

If I could, I would change so much of my past behavior; so much of it that I would have not said ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. Nevertheless, I accept in earnest that every little-missed step along the way has led us to the place we are today. It might not be a perfect place, and it might not even come close to perfect. But, it is indeed ours. And, ultimately it is a part of who we are and where we’re heading. It is our highway and our destination.

Mistakes have been made and apologies have been said. But, at a certain point we can no longer feel validated by just a simple word. At a certain point, we have to come to terms with the reality of youth and all of its weaknesses. Even more, we need to acknowledge that most of life’s narrative is out of our hands. It might sound painful or discouraging, but it is the truth.

I should probably tell you that I’m sorry. But I won’t. I have said it many times and it seems now that the word has lost its true meaning. I choose not to say it because I am sure that by the time the word would leave my lips I would have probably made yet another mistake. So, in the spirit of not falling victims to redundant chatter, let us admit that making apologies for mistakes made while being young should be outlawed. Or, at least, erased from the terms and conditions.