I Am Just Trying To Remember Why I’m Trying

You made it seem as though you needed me just as much as I needed you and I wish I knew where those thoughts and feelings went. 

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I Am Just Trying To Remember Why I'm Trying
Seth Doyle

The tears, the pain, the constant ache my heart has felt the past couple of months has me trying to remember why I even bother trying.

Truth is, our relationship is so clouded by negativity and darkness and I wonder why I put myself through it and the answer is simple… love. I love you and I knew it from the moment my name came out of your mouth that I was yours and now, that doesn’t sound as amazing as it used to.

I remember when even the thought of you could bring all the butterflies in my stomach to a raging flutter and I remember feeling as if my heart was beating so fast that it could jump out of my chest, and now I feel overtaken with sadness.

I think a big part of me still loves you because I thought you were my future and I’m having a hard time coming to terms with a different outcome.

My favorite moments used to be comprised of all the times you made me feel special and it seems as though I can’t find any of those memories anymore. The way I used to. The only things I remember are the times you’ve made me feel inferior or small.

I’m trying to remember why I even bother and I think it’s because I know you have the ability to love me the way I deserved to be loved.

That’s also what pains me most to know.

I want nothing more than for you to make me feel the way you used to. I remember feeling more infinite than stars do. You made me feel beautiful and important. You made it seem as though you needed me just as much as I needed you and I wish I knew where those thoughts and feelings went.

I constantly have to remind myself why I try, but, to be completely honest, I’ve run out of good reasons. Thought Catalog Logo Mark