Maybe I Didn’t Deserve You

You really tried to make things right between us. You had faith in us when I saw none and I’m starting to think that maybe I didn’t deserve you.

Looking back, you were always better at our relationship than I was and now, all I can do is look back and learn from you. Learn that love is to be handled in hopeful hands and that’s what I lacked. Not to say I didn’t love you, I did, I just didn’t see all we could’ve been.

It’s now that you’re gone, that I miss that more than anything. All the hope you tried to instill in me that, only now, is being engraved in my brain.

I miss having someone who believed in me more than I believed in myself and I know for a fact that you deserve better than me. You deserve someone who will make you feel  the way you made me feel. You need someone who will hold your heart with caution the way I never did.

We all make mistakes, it’s up to us to learn from them or not and I’m glad you were a lesson I chose to learn. Maybe now, I will treat love with more faith and hopefulness.

Maybe now, I’ll appreciate the “I love you’s” and the kisses and the cuddles because, laying here in bed, that’s what I miss most about you in your absence. I also miss the way you’d get out the shower first and have the towel open waiting for me to get out to escape the cold air conditioning. That was the smallest gesture and I wish I appreciated it more.

You were a prince and I was ungrateful and I’m so sorry that I never treated you right. Know that I hurt more now thinking of how horrible I was and how amazing you were. I was blind to the fact that you were perfect because everything about me was so imperfect. I wish I would have loved you more in the way you deserved.