A Note Of Appreciation To The Men Who Will Never Let Me Down

On campus, especially this time of year, I come into contact with many packs of Jennifers.

A pack of Jennifers is comprised of a group of 5 to 7 bleached blonde, fake-baked, and cake-faced gazelle moving and looking creatures. Their male counterpart would be a group of Chads. Guys who exclusively give the nonverbal “sup” head nod to communicate and drive trucks just big enough to compensate what they are lacking in other areas. You know, the guys who wear shades on the backs of their heads indoors and wear enough cologne to let the corresponding packs of Jennifers know that they are on the hunt.

By the way, I don’t have anything against people named Jennifer or Chad. I just had to choose names to label these species of people.

I’ve never been tailgating on campus because I’m afraid of running into these groups. Especially the Jennifers. They let girls like me know right away that I’m not accepted. Whenever I’m walking and I see a group of them, I immediately walk the other way. If we have to make contact, the alpha looks me up and down like the injured antelope that I am. She goes in for the kill by laughing about me to the betas. Then, they “omigod” themselves away down the savanna to find the Chads too drunk to even notice their existence. So, I guess it all evens out in the end. I get ignored by the Jennifers, they get ignored by the Chads, but the jokes on them.

I have some special guys waiting for me at home.

They truly care about me and have gotten me through some hard times. They are the best listeners. I can come home and talk about my day all night and they will take it all in. Sure, I’ve heard other girls like me talk about how they also hang out with them. But, I don’t believe it. They would never treat me that way.

We’ve been through so much.

Ben and Jerry know how to treat a girl right and would never try to rate me like a Yelp review through beer belches. In a give and take relationship, they are truly the givers.

And, I will forever respect our bond.