There’s A Difference Between Not Communicating And Not Engaging In Toxicity

The other day I had an old friend make a comment somewhere along the lines of, “If you don’t respond to something that means you are being a bad communicator”. As I got to speaking with multiple people about this particular belief system, I thought it was important to differentiate being a bad communicator, and choosing to not engage in particular discussions.

I think sometimes people feel like so long as you communicate, you are being mature and handling the situation appropriately. However, having this frame of mind may walk us into a space where we are constantly engaging with things we don’t need to be engaging with solely because we want to be as “mature as possible”.

Here’s the deal, being a good communicator means that you know how to both properly and effectively articulate how you are feeling. Being a good communicator also means that you are so self-aware and in-tune with yourself that you feel comfortable expressing your needs and navigating uncomfortable and uneasy topics. Good communicators go into conversations with the intent of expressing themselves and finding a solution. Good communicators listen more than they speak. The truth is, good communicators know when to respond and when to not. 

Good communicators know what is worth engaging with, and what will serve no purpose. Part of communicating well is knowing when to not speak at all.

There is real power in knowing how to identify what is worth your words and what is not. It takes real wisdom to be able to decipher what is negative and toxic and what is healthy and positive.

Maturity is engaging in conversations with purpose, and dismissing the ones that serve none. 

It’s important that we understand just how powerful and strong our words are and it’s important we know where to put our energy. We can be an excellent communicator and decide we don’t want to respond to certain things. We can be an excellent communicator and still be silent. We can be an excellent communicator and leave things left unsaid.

Our energy is important. Engaging in conversations with meaning and that honor us is important.