These Women Described Themselves Like Male Authors Would And Their Tweets Are Hilarious AF
Don't worry, male writers — if you're planning on writing a book that includes female characters and are worried about what this thread might say about you, we have a handy little trick you can use.
For centuries, male authors have been describing women in their books and it has been very, very… bad. Horrible, honestly. And it’s not like we haven’t noticed — in fact, many woman have taken to making fun of the unrealistic (and often sexist) way men describe female characters in their novels and poetry.
A male author is insisting that he is living proof that it's possible for a male author to write an authentic female protagonist.
Here's a quote from his first page. pic.twitter.com/f6d5bN2EHq
— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) March 30, 2018
Twitter user Jonathan Franzia decided to make a joke out of the awful description but asking women on Twitter to describe themselves the way a male author would.
new twitter challenge: describe yourself like a male author would
— whit (@whitneyarner) April 1, 2018
And the brave women of Twitter certainly took up that challenge — and god, everything they wrote is pure gold.
https://twitter.com/say_shannon/status/981066194542264320
https://twitter.com/lucyprebblish/status/981076441512243200
“She walked toward me with the confidence of how atteactive she probably was fifteen years ago.”
— Donna Lynne Champlin (@DLChamplin) April 2, 2018
She was pretty but the kind of pretty where you have to get to know her to see it. https://t.co/IJV0EBKY4w
— Danielle Sepulveres 🌻 (@ellesep) April 2, 2018
https://twitter.com/SarahWatson42/status/980921605953081349
“She wasn’t like other girls — she liked sports and could explain the rules just as good as any other guy.” https://t.co/uI8zb4edCo
— Jashvina Shah (@icehockeystick) April 3, 2018
https://twitter.com/thetsarina/status/980546954257158144
I especially like the descriptions that compare women to food, because for some reason, it feels accurate.
Her breasts were like two scoops of vanilla ice cream covering the maze of her inside parts. She had a face too, he thought, but it kept speaking. https://t.co/8mXEzrYHQA
— Shannon Coulter (@shannoncoulter) April 2, 2018
She had a butt like two buttery brioche rolls and presumably an inner world and job of some kind. https://t.co/kvipWdTRhg
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) April 2, 2018
Other woman had trouble trying to describe the pure disinterest men had in them.
Opinionated, loud and bafflingly disinterested in anything I had to say, she had the confidence of a much thinner woman. https://t.co/5Vsz2wLMkW
— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) April 3, 2018
https://twitter.com/shannonpurser/status/981020460321333248
Trying to think of a good way to describe either “I did not notice her “or “we made brief eye contact and she scared me”
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) April 1, 2018
She caught my eye in a peripheral sort of way; just enough that I noticed her form in the background. Upon inspection, her tight frown and standoffish demeanor invited me to skate my eyes away from her in discomfort. Moments later, she was completely erased from my memory.
— Alicia (@alicia8162) April 1, 2018
Perhaps a picture is worth a thousand words?
I wrote that I feel like if I did this challenge, it’d probably be all breasts and almond-shaped eyes in the same paragraph
— Amanda Wong (@amandawtwong) April 1, 2018
basically, pic.twitter.com/io8s3Y14UF
— Amanda Wong (@amandawtwong) April 1, 2018
Don’t worry, male writers — if you’re planning on writing a book that includes female characters and are worried about what this thread might say about you, we have a handy little trick you can use:
https://twitter.com/TARDIS_Junkie/status/980833095837503488
https://twitter.com/kateleth/status/980835162677166081
How would you describe yourself if you were a male author? Keep the comments coming, please. 
