British Invasion: One Direction Enters The Studio With Justin Bieber

For those of you who don’t exist primarily on a Tumblr dashboard, One Direction is a British-Irish boyband born from the bowels of The X Factor. It consists of five adorable fetuses, each one fulfilling his “cute guy” role for a rabid, enthusiastic fanbase.

What? What? What?, you say. Boybands?! I thought we were done with those when O-Town didn’t work out.

You were wrong, buddy. So so wrong. Boybands are back! And One Direction is leading the charge. Their debut single “What Makes You Beautiful” is probably the lonely Internet’s national anthem. I stand and put my hat to my chest whenever I hear it.

And there’s more to come! It was announced today that One Direction is entering the studio with Justin Bieber, North America’s saintly prince of the Timberlake musical reincarnation throne. (Seriously, have you heard ‘Boyfriend’? He’s gunning for it hard.)

If you see tween girls just openly vomiting rainbows on the streets today, this is why.

Once again, the US falls victim to outsourcing! Perfectly good AMERICAN teenage boys who can sing and dance mild choreography in a V formation are being passed over in favor of these UK imports. Where is your God now, Lou Pearlman?!?!

Speaking with the expertise of someone who saw ‘Nsync in concert four times, we are screwed. Orlando, Florida hasn’t produced a worthy boyband in a decade and because we’ve been so lax as a nation, One Direction is taking over America. The British are coming.

Get ready to start pronouncing “schedule” weirdly again. Sigh.

P.S.: I know nothing about these boys but I always assume the one with the curly hair is up to something. He looks sneaky.