I Wish I Remembered How To Feel

I wish I lived in a world where people laughed more than they had others take pictures of themselves pretending to laugh. I wish I lived in a world where I enjoyed good food instead of just taking a picture of it to show others that I enjoyed it. I wish I lived in a world where caring was cool again and my newsfeed wasn’t bombarded with the popularization of closing yourself off because we’re all too good to connect with each other, apparently.

I wish I lived in a world where honesty was the norm. “Hey I’m just not interested in you that way. I’m really sorry that this isn’t going to work out. But, I hope you find someone that deserves you and appreciates you for all that you have to offer.”

“Hey, I’m really insecure about that, actually.”

“No, thank you. I don’t enjoy doing that.”

“Hey, I think about you all the time and I’m so in love with the fact that you’re in my life.”

I wish I lived in a world where being “left on read” wasn’t a saying. I wish I lived in a world where we weren’t so proud to see who could leave someone unanswered the longest.

I wish I lived in a world where we took responsibility for how we treated each other instead of blaming it on something as irrelevant as the internet. I wish I lived in a world where we didn’t laugh about being unfaithful to each other and moralize such unfaithfulness with memes and video clips. I wish I lived in a world where we didn’t call kids stupid for not knowing any better, especially considering we were angry about being on the other end of that not too long ago. I wish we stopped acting like we’ve had as much experience as those who are older than us and I wish we stopped treating younger people as though they’ve lived the same exact life we have.

I wish attention wasn’t such an overproduced yet overvalued currency in today’s society. I wish I didn’t value it as much as I do and I wish I didn’t spend moments considering who’s the richest in that sense of wealth. I wish I lived in a world where attention wasn’t masked as a numerical value underneath the pictures we post of us pretending to laugh, placed next to a heart as if to further convince us that this is what it takes to feel loved. We just need to get that number up and keep who we give our “hearts” to down, because we need to look sought after more often than we get caught seeking.

I wish I realized in the times that I think others are trying to hurt me, it’s because I am already hurting. I wish I realized such wounds are invisible to them and it’s my job to tell them they’re there; it’s not their responsibility to automatically know.

I wish I remembered how it felt not to have fear as the North Star for my emotional compass. I miss acting out of joy, confidence, and bravery and I wish that someday I can find my way back there.

I wish that we all can make this world just a little better once we realize the power of vulnerability. I wish that we can live in a world where it’s cool to feel things and to feel them deeply. I wish that we can remember what it means to live instead of merely trying to convince ourselves that we are.