If Time Heals Everything When Will I Feel Better?

Don’t jump at the first thing he tells you to do.

Don’t change who you are and what you want to try to keep someone else.

He should still want you without you having to throw yourself at him.

He should still be attracted to you without you having to send him visual reminders of what he is missing back home.

You are supposed to be his home. 

Not the girl with the pretty smile and passion for adventure you have never really had.

Not the girl he decided to spend his New Year’s with when all you wanted was a hello.

It’s supposed to be you. You are the one he is never going to break up with. You are the one he calls his soulmate. You told me you wanted a destination wedding. But I guess I never checked to make sure it was actually with me.

I can’t go through this again.

The wondering and the waiting if today will be the day you will remember that I’m here. If what you have waiting back home is better than what you find over there. I just hope you remember me when she looks at you the same way I do.

Do her eyes tell the same stories as mine?

Or are they there waiting to build a new world with you?

Will she understand all of your jokes like I do or will she not embrace the part of you I like the best?

And what about the one you found after me.

Did she know you still wanted me when you were with her?

And did you ever tell her that you called me crying when she left you for the same reasons I did?

You told me you were going to marry her.

Is that what you tell all of us?

I am so scared that I will never get over this. That any time someone leaves I will be stuck here wondering what happens now? Do you put your own life on hold, hoping that if you can freeze time for long enough nothing will change?

But it doesn’t work like that.

I can’t stop time.

And I can’t stop you from living the life you deserve.

Sometimes I wonder if I would be doing you a favor if I never would have texted back. If we would have saved ourselves an awful lot of pain if I never would have said hello.

What do you do when you are lonely for something that isn’t even yours? Can you miss a person who was never really there to begin with?

If time heals everything, then why don’t I feel better yet?