Some People I Should Have Fought For

1. I always felt like our friendship was kind of unexpected, how we fell into the same group randomly and probably wouldn’t have crossed paths otherwise. But beautifully, we did and we’d walk to your house after school and practice our most bizarre voices while glaring down any truck full of old men that dared to whistle at us. I remember singing karaoke in the guest house and wishing my voice sounded like yours and trying to make your little sister laugh by all means necessary – such a great laugh, that girl. I guess the circle of friends kind of collapsed after Katie left. I didn’t realize one person was keeping us all together, as sad as that is to admit. I’m not sure when we stopped hanging out or if it’s just one of those things where people grow up and they stop spending their lunch period together. But for the record, you are one of the kindest people I’ve ever had the privilege to take Lactaid pills with.

2. The split was so stupid. Can’t even honestly call it a split. More like a misunderstanding. But I have a tendency to choose the flight option over facing it. I run instead of work it out. I should have apologized. Just know, I do miss you.

3. It’s not that I should have fought for you, or us. But I should have been open to trying when you called me that spring break. I shouldn’t have shut it down because that was the safer choice.

4. I pride myself on being genuinely kind. On being a person who sees good and approaches situations heart-forward. But the way I acted towards you? Cruel. Unnecessarily cruel. I want to say I was acting out of character, but that’s a selfish excuse and doesn’t do you any favors. You deserved better. You still do.

5. You liked me more than I liked you and it made me uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to express that properly, so I disappeared. Frankly, you’re not a thought that crosses my mind often, but when you do? I am a handmade quilt of guilt. The truth would have been better than watching you grabbing at my ghost.