This Is How You’ll Miss Him When It Ends

You’ll miss him in little moments that’ll catch you by surprise. Moments where you think you’re fine and you’ve moved and things are okay. Suddenly it’ll hit you and it’s going to feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Because you realize loving someone doesn’t just go away because they did.

And it’s not gonna be at 3 in the morning when you’re lying there alone in bed. It’s going to be at 3:00 in the afternoon, on an average Tuesday, when you’re laughing with your friends or family and suddenly you just stop.

It’ll be in the sweatshirt that falls from your closet you forget about and never gave back. It’ll be when Christmas comes around and you’re sitting on your couch looking at the tree and you think back to how much has changed in a year when he was right there with you. It’ll be in the song you hear on the radio that hurts but you don’t change the station. It’ll be on the roads you used to drive and you look over at an empty passenger seat thinking about when he used to be there.

You’ll miss him in the places you used to go together and now you sit there alone. Hurting and aching silently, only you look like you’re okay. Because you have to be. It’ll be in the coffee shop you used to go to often and the barista asks if you want your usual two coffees. So you stop going there.

You’ll miss him in the moments people don’t know it ended and they ask how he’s doing or where is he and you realize you lost the right to know that answer a long time ago.

You’ll miss him in the letter you held onto or the card you couldn’t throw away and you’ll reread words that take you back to a time when they were real. It’ll be in the pictures you find face down in your junk drawer that you know should have thrown away but you didn’t.

You’ll miss him when something good or bad happens and you look at your phone staring at the date of the last time you spoke and something about that little detail hurts like hell.

You’ll miss him when you hear someone say his name in public and your head will turn sharply thinking it’s him and your heart will race.

But you’ll miss him the moment you see him again and you make awkward eye contact. He looks the same but you realize you’re staring at a familiar stranger. Maybe small talk is exchanged and what isn’t being said between the words, ‘how are you?’ is ‘I miss you.’ ‘Do you ever think of me too?’ So instead you say fine.

And you look back one last time hoping maybe he’s watching too. Because maybe if he was even for a moment you’d be taken back to a time when love didn’t hurt so badly.