You Were Almost My Boyfriend, But It’s A Good Thing We Never Actually Dated

We almost dated. We almost fell in love. You were almost my official boyfriend.

For a while, I was upset that we came so close to creating a real relationship but never made it to the finish line. I was disappointed about you walking away from everything we could have been. I was confused about what all of your mixed signals meant. I was as heartbroken as I would have been if someone had dumped me.

But honestly, even though losing you sucked at the time, I’m glad that it turned out this way.

I’m glad you didn’t date me, because I never want to be stuck in a relationship with someone that I like much more than they like me. I never want to be the person who cares more. The person who bends over backwards and is still taken for granted. I never want to be the person who feels like they are never doing enough.

I’m glad you didn’t date me, because I never want to be with someone who hesitates to turn me into their girlfriend. Someone who goes back and forth about whether or not they want to be with me. Someone who has a hard time choosing between me and the single life.

I’m glad you didn’t date me, because you weren’t exactly boyfriend material. You were fun to flirt with. You were fun to text and fun to hang out with. But there were times when I needed you and you weren’t there for me. There were times when you made promises that you couldn’t keep. There were times when you proved I wasn’t your first priority. I can’t be with someone like that.

I’m glad you didn’t date me, because it gave me a chance to explore my other options. It gave me a chance to see that there are other people out there who are interested in me. So interested that they will actually put in the effort to keep me. So interested that they will never leave a text unanswered or a feeling unspoken.

I’m glad you didn’t date me, because I deserve better than you. I deserve someone who would never go MIA. Someone who would never send mixed signals. Someone who would never lead me on.

I deserve someone who will fight for me, because they believe that I am worth the effort. Someone who will be honest about their feelings, because they believe I deserve the truth. Someone who will take me out on real dates, because they don’t think almost is good enough.

I spent a long time questioning why we never got together. A long time angry at you for ruining something that could have been special. But I am through with mourning our almost relationship. I am done wishing that things turned out differently between us.  

Maybe we were never supposed to date. Maybe you were only meant to be in my life for a little while.

And maybe that’s a good thing.