Find Yourself An Ex Who Says ‘Haha, Oh Boy, Wow’ When You Tell Them What’s Happened Since You Last Spoke

You’ve seen all the articles that talk about how to build future successful relationships and why you should stay single until you meet the right guy (stay single forever!), but if you’re psychotic like me (read: need constant attention), you like to dwell on the past and stay in contact with all of your exes. In which case: ladies, find yourself an ex who says “haha, oh boy, wow” when you tell them about everything that’s happened to you since you last spoke.

Not every guy you meet is going to be a strong contender for The One (at least I hope not! Haha, am I right? Seriously, fuck that statistic that’s like “you meet your soulmate before your 18th birthday”). Instead of putting all of that pressure on yourself to find the perfect specimen of a human being, find a regular person who won’t be awful if it doesn’t work out between you two. A regular person you feel comfortable with — maybe too comfortable?

A regular person who will say “haha, oh boy, wow” when you spend 20 minutes catching them up to speed on everything that’s happened to you in the last couple of months. He gets it. He will always get it. You’re crazy. But you’re not dating anymore, so it’s fine.

Don’t create a strict checklist of qualities every guy you ever make eye contact with has to fulfill (mine is just: tall). Don’t wait for someone to hold open doors or for someone who’ll always pay for dinner or for someone who is fine with constant textual communication at all hours, even while they’re showering. Just find yourself someone who you’ll feel comfortable enough trapping in a long-winded life recap after you bump into them unexpectedly. Someone who, after widening their eyes significantly throughout the entirety of the conversation, will exhale loudly and go “haha, oh boy, wow.” That’s the dream.