27 Women Describe The Moment They Realized Their Boyfriend Just Might Be A Moron
“He didn't understand the concept of time zones and thought people in a different time zone could tell the future. The whole relationship was a mistake.”
1. He didn’t know how to slice bread.
“My dad likes to make bread, and I gave my boyfriend (who I’d been dating for a year at that point) a loaf. We decide to have a slice and he just cuts the entire loaf in half.
He wasn’t sure where to go from there. I suppose a lot of people just buy sliced bread and never make their own!”
2. He doesn’t know how to butter bread.
“Discovered last week that my 37-year-old husband doesn’t actually know how to butter bread without ripping it to shreds. We have subsequently had lessons.”
3. He didn’t know how to brew coffee.
“My boyfriend didn’t know how to brew coffee. He poured the grounds into the pot added water then turned the thing on. I was very confused.”
4. He couldn’t work a lint roller.
“The ability to understand how a lint roller works. He didn’t know that the sheets peel off the roll, just thought when the top sheet was covered you threw it out and got a new one.”
5. He couldn’t use a can opener.
“How to use a can opener! I was literally blown away. How can a grown man not know how to use a can opener?”
6. He couldn’t use a washing machine.
“How to use a washing machine. He was 33 FFS. Spot the guy who only ever lived with his parents.”
7. He didn’t know the difference between a pot and a pan.
“I asked my ex for a pan to bake a cake and he handed me a pot. That’s just one example but there are many more basic cooking things he just could not grasp.”
8. He didn’t know the difference between ‘to’ and ‘too.’
“How to differentiate between ‘to’ and ‘too.’ He would text it wrongly and I’d think oh autocorrect… but then it started happening in serious correspondence to our landlord etc. and in professional emails, and I couldn’t ignore it any longer.
After much probing, (not that kind), he admitted he chooses which to write based on ‘how it sounds in the sentence.’”
9. He didn’t understand the concept of time zones and thought people in a different time zone could tell the future.
“He didn’t understand the concept of time zones and thought people in a different time zone could tell the future. The whole relationship was a mistake.”
10. He couldn’t use a broom.
“How to use a broom. Not like lazy, but literally has never handled a broom before and doesn’t have the motor memory for a sweeping motion. I actually kind of have to work hard not to laugh as its adorably watching a grown human being handling a broom like a toddler.”
11. Dude had no idea where dust came from.
“Cleaning. Specifically, dude had no idea where dust came from. Thought that if he didn’t go over to that part of the room, it wouldn’t get dusty, and therefore didn’t need to be cleaned.”
12. He cut all his food on plates.
“Not really a life skill, but just basic items he hadn’t acquired. Like, he didn’t own a cutting board. It was surprising because he cooked at home most nights every week. He cut all his food on plates. PLATES. All his plates had tons of big scratches on them from years of being used as cutting boards.
A year later, I was at his family’s house and saw his sister avoid using an easily accessible cutting board to cut some vegetables on a ceramic plate. This shit is apparently all in the family.”
13. He couldn’t spell my name right.
“He couldn’t spell my name right.
My name is Hazel. It’s not exactly common, but it’s not super rare either; English, five letters, not so bad. And it wasn’t that he was dyslexic either — he was whip-smart, and had no problems with spelling anything else. His text messages were all perfectly punctuated. His grammar was on point. He’d proofread my work from time to time. It’s not a thing I would have expected him to have a problem with.
But in the three months we dated, I was a Hazzle, a Hazle, a Hazzel, a Hayzel and a Hayzell. Not once do I recall him getting it right. It got to the point where I thought he might be doing it on purpose, either because he thought it was cute or to annoy me, but no — it was just a complete blind spot for him.
It didn’t last. (For other reasons, but… damn, I mean, is it too much to want your name spelled, right?)”
14. He didn’t know how to do anything in terms of taking care of himself.
“My current partner is pretty good at the whole ‘life skills’ thing, but my ex was a hot mess in that regard.
He didn’t know how to do anything in terms of taking care of himself. I asked him to mind the pasta that was cooking for five minutes while I went to grab something, and when I came back he was just standing there watching it boil over without doing anything. He tried to run the dishwasher, but filled it with just rinse aid instead of detergent because, ‘they’re basically the same thing, right?’ When he did laundry, he would leave the wet clothes in the washer for 3-4 days and then be surprised when they mildewed literally every time. He never budgeted, just spent whatever he felt like (mostly on expensive sports equipment, etc.) and then would call his parents in a panic if he got an overdraft fee before his next payday.
He’d clearly been babied all to hell, and I would’ve had a lot more sympathy except that a) most of these things were pretty easy to just Google if you didn’t know how to do them, and b) whenever I tried to gently correct him on how to do something, he’d fly off the handle and accuse me of being condescending and nagging. So, yeah, by the end of our relationship I’d kinda lost all respect for the guy.”
15. He thought you only needed to shower or brush your teeth every few weeks.
“Basic life skills. He (an ex from long ago) couldn’t comprehend certain daily tasks. He thought any kind of soap could be put in the dish washer, he would leave things in the oven and forget about them for hours, thought you only needed to shower or brush your teeth every few weeks?! I once witnessed him make a milkshake and not put the lid on the blender…shit went everywhere and he was genuinely perplexed at the outcome. If he didn’t feel like working 1 day he’d just quit and apply for another job. The worst part was he truly believed I was an idiot for thinking him wrong or suggesting he change his habits. I felt like a wrangler at the zoo…or a parent to a 25-year-old man baby.”
16. He couldn’t (and can’t) wash dishes.
“He couldn’t (and can’t) wash dishes. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve told him that soap isn’t optional and I know he didn’t use any because his “clean” dishes are greasy to the touch. WHAT THE FUCK.”
17. I had to change his flat tire.
“Not so much when we first started dating, but about five years into the relationship I had to change my husband’s flat tire. Pretty hilarious to see the looks given by anyone walking/driving by!”
18. He couldn’t figure out how I got the tub so white.
“‘How did you get the tub so white!?’
I washed it. With soap and a scrubbie sponge. That’s it. Wash things and they’ll be clean. Like, you can wash the tub, the toilet, stove, sink, floors, walls, etc. And they will be cleaner than if you did not wash them.”
19. He didn’t know how to change a lightbulb.
“Shortly after moving in together, I came home one evening and my Chinese boyfriend solemnly informed me that ‘something is wrong with the house.’
My mind was racing—water in the basement? broken appliance? I followed him to a bedroom where he flipped the light switch, and nothing happened.
‘Do you think that we can repair it??’ he asked.
‘You’re 25 years old and you’ve never changed a lightbulb?!’”
20. He seemed incapable of putting his dirty laundry in the laundry basket.
“Placing his dirty laundry in the laundry basket. I don’t know what’s so fucking hard about putting your dirty laundry in the basket instead of on the floor right in front of the basket. I end up just doing it for him because in the 5 1/2 years we’ve been together he still hasn’t figured it out.”
21. He didn’t know how to scramble an egg.
“Two things that really surprised me:
He didn’t know how to change the oil in his car.
He didn’t know how to scramble an egg.
We’ve got the oil changes pretty well covered now, and it helps that his Subaru is very easy to work on. But he’s still figuring out egg scrambling.”
22. He didn’t know how to blow his nose.
“How to blow his nose.
No joke. He just never did it. He is rarely sick and until recently never had allergies. One day he was sick and I was harassing him to blow his nose and he did this weird breathing thing into a Kleenex. It was like when a kid sees something on a movie and tried to imitate it. I was like WTF? After a series of questions he tried to dodge I flat out asked him ‘Do you know how to blow your nose?’ He just gave me this sad, ashamed face.
I told him how much he’s been missing out and proceeded to explain to him how to do it, how hard, etc.
To this day it blows me away. It was like teaching an adult how to use a spin or something. Something he didn’t really have to do much growing up so no one ever really showed him I guess.”
23. He cannot zip Ziplocs.
“My boyfriend to this day cannot zip Ziplocs. It drives me absolutely batty.”
24. He didn’t know how to hold hands.
“Holding hands. When we started dating he would hold our hands forward with the elbow bent and his hand clutching mine like a big cat paw. It was like watching a horse try to walk on two legs.
I on the other hand… had been spelling February as ‘Febuary’ for 24 years and through multiple levels of post-secondary education.”
25. He couldn’t replace the toilet roll.
“Replacing the toilet paper roll. My dude will take out the trash every day, clean the floors, and do basically every other chore, but replacing the toilet paper roll is something he apparently doesn’t know how to do.”
26. He was amazed to find out there were different kinds of onions and potatoes.
“Took my boyfriend grocery shopping. He was amazed to find out there were different kinds of onions and potatoes. It was like a whole new world for him when I introduced him to the produce section. He knew basic fruits and vegetables, but the man had never seen a real mango.”
27. He didn’t know how to clip his toenails.
“He didn’t know how to clip his toenails. I had noticed they were grotesque, and I sent him outside with some new clippers. 10 minutes later he came back in and sheepishly admitted he had broken the clippers and didn’t know how to use them.”
