Everyone Is Getting Married, But At Least I Have Pasta
I'd rather have a muffin top than to go on a awful date that makes me want to throw up. I'd rather gain a few pounds than be with someone who doesn't love me in the same way. I'd rather eat alone in my apartment, then go through a really awkward and anxiety inducing date.
Ok so like, no offense to people getting engaged and married and living their happily ever after cinderella lives, but have y’all experienced pasta? Like real, authentic, heavenly and creamy pasta?
Call it an infatuation or lust, but I think I’m in loveeee.
I don’t know what made me fall. But it was most definitely love at first sight. Maybe it was the texture? The experience? The sauce? I don’t really care. All I know is that it’s better than anything. ANYTHING.
The cool thing about pasta is that there are so many different varieties and flavors and toppings that you get to choose from. When you get married, you only get one dude or one girl. AND YOU’RE STUCK WITH THEM. FOREVER. (Or ya know, you get divorced).
So why not eat some damn pasta until your stomach and heart is full, and worry about getting married later?!
Have y’all even tried homemade pesto? Sun dried tomato pesto? Rose sauce? Spicy vodka sauce? Not to mention the millions of different authentic pasta you can choose from. Lo Mein, Pad Thai and Drunken Noodles are an actual god send. Sent from god. To me. To YOU.
The possibilities are positively endless.
Oh, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t give a crap about the ‘amount of carbs’ is in a serving, or how ‘bad it is for my metabolism’.
Bitch. HEARTBREAK is bad for my heart and body. HEARTBREAK is bad for my self esteem and my mental state. Getting over someone is tragic. And you know what’s not tragic? Pasta.
You know what will always be there for me? PASTA.
I’d rather have a muffin top than to go to an awful evening that makes me want to throw up. I’d rather gain a few pounds than be with someone who doesn’t love me in the same way. I’d rather eat alone in my apartment, then go through a really awkward and anxiety inducing blind date.
So please.
Let me eat my pasta in peace.
Have fun at your wedding and engagement ceremonies. Have fun at your one night stands and your tinder dates. I’ll be in the corner with my plate piled high with a happy and fulfilled heart. 
