To The One I Let Get Away

To the one I let get away,

I guess I should start this with an apology: I’m sorry.

Forgive me for all the times I took you for granted. The little things and the big things, you gave them all to me. Yet I pushed you away and I blamed you a lot.

I was selfish and I was in so much pain. Depression overwhelmed me, negativity consumed me, and fear took control of the choices I’ve made.

I want to let you know that I let you go not because your love wasn’t enough but because the love I had for myself wasn’t.

I was too insecure to believe that someone would love me despite my imperfections. I doubted not only your love but every kind of love that was given to me. You gave me your whole heart but I couldn’t even give you a little bit of mine. I was too scared. Too doubtful. Too anxious of a heartbreak that hasn’t even happened. I was just so broken when I met you. The love you offered was warm and safe and too perfect for me to accept. And I felt underserving of that love because I had my own distortions of the kind of love that I deserved.

Your love was perfect, but the timing wasn’t right.

I am writing this without the intention of rekindling anything. The universe gave us our chance and I screwed it up by walking away from what we had. I write this because I want to apologize to the first person who showed me that I was someone worth loving. That I was someone worth waiting and fighting for. I write this because I want to apologize for hurting the person who loved and cared for me when I was too broken to love and care for myself. And as cliché as this may sound, you were my ‘one that got away.’ You were the person who was capable of giving me the perfect happy ending that I’ve always dreamed of. Unfortunately, I wasn’t yours. And I know that your perfect happy ending is not with me but with the girl you are with now. I can see it in her eyes that look at you with utmost care and love. The same honest eyes that you used to have for me.

But it’s all good. You’ve moved on, I’ve moved on.

You’ve learned to love someone else and I’m learning to love myself.

You’ve found your happiness and I’m working on mine.

I really just want to thank you for being the first person brave enough to reach out and show me that despite what I thought, I too, deserved genuine love like everybody else.