After Your Almost Relationship Ends, You Never Want To Care Again

After your almost relationship ends, you close your heart off. You don’t want to take another chance on love. You don’t want a repeat in history, not so soon.

You don’t know if you could handle that kind of roller coaster of emotions again — switching from excitement to contentment to disappointment in the blink of an eye. Honestly, you don’t know how you dealt with such unexpected rejection once, so you’re definitely not going to let it happen twice.

Besides, you’re still stuck on them. You still want them. You still can’t believe that they chose to leave you when you were on the fast track to a real relationship. You still can’t believe they didn’t feel the same.

After your almost relationship ends, you become paranoid. Cautious. Whenever someone new enters your life, you are wary. You assume the worst.

You think that they want you for one night, or even worse, that they want to string you along for months until they admit that they aren’t ready for a serious relationship. 

You worry that you’re going to be used again. That your heart is going to take a pounding again. That you’re going to get your hopes up high and then have them crumble to the ground again.

After your almost relationship ends, you want to take a break from dating. Not that you even were actually dating in the first place — but it felt like you were. It felt like you were already in a relationship. It felt like you were going to be together for a long time.

So now, you can’t stomach the thought of cuddling in bed with someone different. Of spilling secrets during midnight talks. Of texting back and forth until you drift off to sleep.

You’re just not interested in any of that. You would rather stay single. You would rather take a break. You need a break.

After your almost relationship ends, you realize how easy it is to misinterpret another person’s actions. To only see what you want to see.

You realize that you were probably reading the signs wrong all along. That nothing actually changed. That they never actually wanted you in the first place.

You realize that certain milestones that meant everything to you — holding hands, kissing, sleeping together — don’t necessarily mean anything to the other person. You don’t necessarily mean anything to the other person.

After your almost relationship ends, you don’t want to explain to your friends why the situation didn’t work out. You don’t even want to think about the person you came so close to dating — but at the same time, they’re the only thing you can think about. They never leave your mind, because you’re still in shock that they left your life.

After your almost relationship ends, you never want to love again. You never want to care again. Because you never want to get hurt again.

You wish you could switch your emotions off like a light switch. You wish you could just feel numb.

Holly Riordan is the author of Lifeless Souls, available here.