7 Habits I Will Absolutely Never Understand About Modern Dating

1. No effort.

The way we stay connected is by disconnecting. Effort has been contorted into being super invasive and clingy. And being the one who cares more makes you the weaker link. So we will neglect to put any substantial effort into it and then we wonder why it didn’t end up working out.

2. Ghosting.

The act of ghosting: the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. We all do it, yet we aren’t really sure why that is. We’re afraid of communicating our feelings with one another, so instead we disappear before the opportunity to arises.

3. Judging someone based off a photo and bio.

We’re all connected in some way—Tinder, Plenty Of Fish, Bumble, you name it. These dating sites have completely killed any concept of romance we ever had. In order to match with somebody on Tinder, I have to judge who he is entirely based on a short bio and a selected group of photos from his high school graduation. When did we all become so shallow? When did we decide that this is the right way to get to know somebody?

4. Playing phone tag.

I’ll never understand why you have to send less emojis so you don’t sound too excited. Why you have to hold off for a couple hours to reply to a text because you don’t want to seem like you’re attached. Why wanting to talk to someone solely for the sake of talking to them suddenly has become “needy.” Why we ignore people to get their attention which I am aware, makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

5. Dating casually when you want serious.

When you settle for 12 AM text messages begging to come over because you can’t be the one that expresses anything deeper than that. So you reluctantly agree to keep things casual when you actually want things to be serious. But in order to keep them satisfied, you’ll keep things cool. If a guy messages you on snapchat and clicks “like” on your Instagram picture from 52 weeks ago, then chances are he’s not genuinely interested in you. Yet we cling onto the idea that this is the new normal and have accepted it as being modern romance.

6. “Benching” someone.

Benching: leading someone on just enough so that they’ll stick around, because you’re not sure if you want to be with them, but you want to make sure they’re available if Plan A doesn’t work out. (Often accompanied by sporadic ghosting.) You know you aren’t their first choice, but being on the roster is enough for you. But why do we want to be with somebody when we know we aren’t their first choice? Have we just merely accepted that we’re always going to be second best and just completely given up on being first?

7. Leading someone on.

You have no intention on actually being in any sort of relationship with this person, but you continue to string them along for whatever reason. Some people call this “the chase.” Others call it “playing games.” We can’t stand the thought of being alone so we keep that person around long enough to be certain we have a backup plan on deck.