I Didn’t Want To Let You Go, But I Still Did

And when two lovers fight, they fight with words, one with memories, the other with grudges that weren’t said,

and when they love, they love with words, one with words that sound like promises, the other with words laced with goodbyes,

who is to blame when the love fades?

When is love not enough? When does this line end? What do you even say when everything has crumpled away, and you know it all too well, but you refuse to let it go, no don’t let my hand go, even if I’m holding a sword, and the sword is cutting into your palm, if you let go, we’ll never be able to see each other,

I’ll never be able to call your name, and we’ll forget the times we fell in love over and over again, is that alright with you? For God’s sake, don’t give me silence this time, I can’t read your mind, you never could read mine, the others say we’re both very different people, as if it’s an obvious reason for not being able to be together, but this is what drew us together.

I know it all and maybe that’s why we keep colliding, and collisions destroy what was there since the inception, but what about the thing that’s created after the collisions happens? Isn’t it a brand new thing that is born? But we’ll both be strangers,

and you start letting go after a while, but I keep holding on, the wound cutting deeper as he slides his palm the way along the edge, away from the hand holding the sword, and the hand holding the sword is shaking, the fear, the heartbreak taking over the senses, and nobody wants to be alone when you’ve forgotten what it was like to be alone,

to not have someone to come home to, to not have someone to kiss in the middle of the night when you startle awake from a nightmare,

‘what was your nightmare about?’ you asked me once, and I said, ‘I don’t remember but I was really lonely and it was really dark, and I was used to it, and that was the sad part, and you weren’t there, and you were holding the edge of the sword I was holding, and you were saying goodbye, and I was crying, because I had found somebody to share the darkness with, and now I had to watch you leave through the door which I opened just for you.’

I breathe in deeply,
and think to myself,

I didn’t want that dream to come true, but it did.