This Is How You’ll Break My Heart

You’ll break my heart by smiling at me in the sunshine while I pretend not to notice. You’ll grin, softly, with your dimples glistening in the 90 degree heat. And I will pretend not to want to smile back.

You’ll break my heart by catching up to me on the dirty city sidewalks, while I try to walk slower than usual. To make sure you catch up to me. To make sure you see me. Because I want you to see all of me.

You’ll break my heart by noticing how I blush when you say my name. By noticing the little things I never do whenever I’m not with you.

You’ll break my heart by giving a damn. By finally asking me out to pizza and underage drinking, by asking me questions about my childhood, my career, my friends, and my heart.

You’ll break my heart by leaning gently in, and resting your hand softly on my cheek, so fearless, so goddamn picture perfect.

You’ll break my heart by letting me kiss you back, and by not ever wanting my world to stop spinning out of control. You’ll break my heart by never wanting you and me to end.

You’ll break my heart by watching me fall. And by you, knowing that you were falling just as hard. By listening about my fears and my dreams and my insecurities. By taking and giving and giving some more and watching me wash my walls away.

You’ll break my heart by giving me yours.

You’ll break my heart by watching me from afar and beaming up at me with pride. By being a good man. By having a good heart. By having a beautiful soul.

You’ll break my heart by loving me with your entire being. By letting your tears fall to the palm of my hands as I sweep them up, kissing your cheeks and your ocean eyes.

You’ll break my heart by letting me love you back. By allowing me to give you my all. By trusting you with every cell and bone in my being. By loving every atom in your body. By adoring all of you.

You’ll break my heart by leaving too soon. By calling me up on the phone and telling me no. By letting me cry, and by staying silent.

You’ll break my heart by telling me it’s done.

I know, it’s not like we planned for that to happen. It’s not like we planned for us to end. It’s not like we ever thought it would actually happen.

But it did. And you did. And we did.

And you broke my god damn, fragile heart.

By making me believe that you would never break it. By making me believe that you were different. By making me believe that you were my soul, my heart, my everything, my cliche, golden sunrise.

I should’ve known. I should’ve known that love and seventeen didn’t mix. That a thousand miles apart and parties didn’t mix. That you and I. That you and I would eventually die.

But you did it, didn’t you? You pulled the plug. Eventually. That is how you broke me.

And I’m not sure if I’ll ever be unbroken. I’m not sure if I’ll ever fully recover from your leaving.