If You Really Loved, Then It Could Never Be A Loss

If you really loved someone, if you tingled at their touch, if your body warmed at the sound of their name, if you felt alive in their presence, if just a simple glace in their direction made your heart feel lighter, then losing them could never be a loss.

If you gave yourself to them in the name of love, if you found yourself believing in the power of your connection, if you chased dreams alongside that person, if your lives were tightly entwined for a period of time, then being heartbroken is absolutely worth it.

If you learned who you were alongside another person, if you watched yourself and your relationship bloom and conquer the twists and turns of this life, if you trusted, if you cared, if you woke up with a smile on your face because you knew you had someone in your life whom you valued and craved, then your connection was still beautiful, no matter how it ended.

When you love, when you step forward in faith and give your heart to another person—this is the most vulnerable and yet powerful thing you can do.

And no matter what happens in the aftermath, no matter if you are mistreated or left, no matter if the connection fades, no matter if your heart is shattered and you can hardly stand in the end, giving yourself was worth it.

Because you loved.

So often we look at our broken relationships as markers of our failure or success. When we see people we’ve parted ways from and we think we’ve made a mistake. We think we’ve wasted so much time with the wrong people and we get anxious over lost time. We hate ourselves, hate our exes for the time we’ll never get back.

But our time, our energy, our passion, our affection is never wasted when we truly love.

Love can never be a waste. And there are no ‘wrong’ people, only lessons. Sure, we might fall into relationships with people who end up being terrible for us—people who may cheat or lie, abandon or leave us when we trusted them with everything.

But we cannot look at these failed relationships as worthless. We can’t think that we’ve lost so much time in this journey because every broken connection has taught us something, every love has shown us who we are, and every pain has helped us gain resilience, strength, and the will to keep on loving.

Because love is always worth it, no matter the outcome.

So please, remember that love was never purposeless. You have never failed just because of a failed connection, relationship, or marriage. There is no loss when you give someone your everything, you only gain—wisdom, lessons, understanding, forgiveness, and growth.

And if you cared for someone, if their toothbrush found its way to the holder on your sink, if their hand felt familiar and warm in yours, and your heart beat in rhythm with the pounding in their chest, you have not missed out on anything.

You have loved, truly loved, and that’s beautiful.
You have loved, truly loved, and that’s worth every second in the end.

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.