I Took Myself Out For A Coffee Today

I took myself out

For a coffee today

And suddenly

The book I was reading

Began reading me back

Quite suddenly

I paused

And thought a thought

That is almost always

Forbidden

Going out alone

Is far more fun

Than smiling for pictures

And lunches with friends

It is true, I thought,

But I must never admit it

Out loud

Because once you say

Things out loud

They become real

And once they become real

You can’t pretend

They’re all in your head

Floating

Like dry leaves in a garden

They don’t quite belong

In this world we’ve made for ourselves

But as I flipped my pages

And sneaked glances at the people

Around me

Who watched me with curious teas

And pitiful mugs

(I was quite alone, after all)

I thought about all the things

Forbidden

That I loved –

The hum of mosquitoes;

Unsweetened butter;

Watery coffee;

Hairless cats;

Dead trees in springtime;

Green trees in autumn;

Rainfall in winter;

And hot baths in summer;

Unanswered phone calls;

Unmade, used beds;

Falling in love with friends on the phone

Knowing they’d never really love me back;

Day old warm beer;

Sitting alone with no-one to talk to;

Loneliness and erotica, and badly disguised porn;

Crumpled silk dresses;

The taste of goodbyes;

The curve of my own breasts,

And the shape of my eyes

Forbidden things

Like bell bottomed pants

Now, almost as real

As the story of my life

Thought out and whispered

By the strangers around me

Sad, because I was all alone

Doing nothing of significance

In a cafe on Sunday.