You’re Never Going To Be ‘Enough’ (And That’s Okay)

What does it mean to be ‘enough’? Enough sass? Enough spunk? Enough love and tenderness? Enough ‘chill’? Enough happiness and wildness and maturity and grace? Enough what exactly? And will we ever be the perfect amount of this undefined, immeasurable thing?

For some reason, we have this idea in our head about what it means to be worthy—of love, of relationships, of acceptance by other people and ourselves, of forgiveness. We believe there’s this standard we must reach, this ideal we must live up to, and we’re constantly measuring ourselves, thinking that we have to be and act a certain way to be cared for, or to find the love we deserve.

But the truth is, we will never be ‘enough.’ Because one person will want us to be softer, the next will value our strength. One lover will ask that we quiet down; another will tell us to raise our voice. If we constantly listen to the desires and demands of every person around us, of every individual who wants to ‘love’ us, we’ll be forever switching, shaping, molding, changing ourselves.

If we let our self-worth and self-love depend upon others, we’ll never be enough. Because ‘enough’ in someone else’s eyes is something you cannot measure, nor understand. And what really matters at the end of the day is that you love and accept yourself—all your pieces—not try to shape them to fit the requests of someone else.

You will never be ‘enough.’ Because you are imperfect. We all are. And instead of bowing your head in shame, embrace this with a smile. Because who you are is unique and varied. You aren’t static. You aren’t a robot, made with precision and always moving with the same calculated movements. You aren’t one-dimensional, always reacting the same to every situation. You aren’t boring. You aren’t stoic. You aren’t perfectly tied with a little bow, waiting to be picked up and pet like a stuffed animal on a toy shelf.

You are a human—with imperfections and flaws and inconsistencies and emotions and complexities. You are too much. You are a sprinkle of this and a pinch of that. You are messy, yet constructed with care by your creator. You are not ‘enough’ by the silly, undefined standards of this world. But you will forever be more than enough in the eyes of God.

So please stop trying to measure yourself to someone else. Stop trying to mold your body, your thoughts, your decisions to fit what a person desires you to be. Stop wishing you could be someone else, or changing who you really are for love. (Because that’s not love, just so you know).

You are not going to be enough of whatever this world wants you to be. Because the world is forever changing what’s ‘ideal,’ what’s ‘right,’ what’s ‘desirable’ and who the hell wants to try to measure up to that superficial standard anyways?

When you feel like you’re falling short, when you feel like you’ll never find real love, when you feel like you’re forever ‘less’ than the people and bodies around you, remember this: There is no ideal you must measure up to for the people who really love and value you.

The people who care for you won’t ask you to be something else, won’t try to force you the pieces of you to fit their puzzle, won’t make you feel inadequate for who you are.

You have been, and always will be enough for yourself and for God. You have been, and always will be unique and different and too much and too little and just the perfect amount.

And anyone who doesn’t see that is not worthy of you.

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.