Maybe I Don’t Want To Fall In Love

Whoever falls in love, loses.

Everyone’s fascinated with the idea of falling in love with someone. They say love takes you by surprise at the most unexpected time and for unpredictable reasons. Falling in love makes you feel like you’ve found the other half that would complete you. It means waking up would be easier, life a little less dull- like it’s one of the best things that can ever happen.

But I don’t want any of the falling in love pizazz that everyone is talking about. Because falling means you don’t know where you’ll land. Falling can mean bruises, and scars, and wounds and it scares me.

There’s no such thing as being unscathed when you fall in love. So typically we just jump with someone thinking it’s worth all the injury of this sacrifice. But to me, it’s just an excuse of people compensating for the feelings they think they deserve at the moment.
When you decide to love someone, you bring down the wall you built so they can enter.

When you decide to fall for someone, you let them build a new wall with you. And by doing so, you allow the person to destroy you from the inside out. And if they do that… you lose.

You trust them. You know they wouldn’t. But then again, falling in love is a like a jump from a cliff. Once you allow yourself to step away from safety, there’s no going back up from the same direction. You can’t change your mind just like that, and you can’t leave it just like that. Love can hurt you in excruciating pain in more ways than anyone can imagine. It can stab you right at the heart where you’ll feel all kinds of numbness, but there are certain kinds that pierce your heart like mini little demons for a very long time. At the same time you feel alive, happy and contented, you can also feel hurt, lonely, alone at any given time.

When you embrace the vulnerability of loving someone, you forget to leave a part of yourself unharmed. I know people who would sacrifice all that they can just to prove that their love is true and real.. even if it means being less happy. When you give love, you lose a part of the love you give to yourself and sometimes it eats you up.

I want the kind of love that allows me to move with it.

I want the kind of love like a shallow stream more than deep waters with unpredictable currents. I want the kind of love that allows me to go at my own pace and just slowly go where it takes me. I want the kind of love that makes me move with the flow, not one with a leap of faith where I fall.

Love is a great idea, but you can also find love by wading through it, than falling for it.