I Miss You (I Don’t Miss You)

It’s been Five months since we’ve spoken. The end of September rings heavy. Seven months since we’ve seen each other.
Seven months since our lips touched and you said forever.
Seven months since you told me it’d be ok
Seven months since you asked me to hang on
Seven months since you fell into the arms of someone else.
I held on, I held on so tight I wound up strangling myself.
Some days I feel really broken by you
Then days pass and the small moments that meant everything to me, I feel them less.

I miss the ease of you
I miss your smile
I miss how our crooked bodies slept together
I miss how we loved even though we had nothing.
I don’t miss feeling alone
I don’t miss fighting for a love that never fought back
I don’t miss heavy words and empty promises
I don’t miss fooling myself into believing we would be okay
I miss the boy I knew you to be, not the boy you choose to be.
I miss you, but I don’t.