To The ‘You’ In ‘I Love You’

To the “you” in “I love you” –

I know I say being single is fine and that I’m fine, but on days like this when lovers are out kissing in public and all the T.V. ever plays are romance movies… I remember you.

I remember the summers nights we used to have, and the moment you looked me in the eye without saying anything as we laid in bed while the sun streaked through the window and lit up my face; and the way you smiled at me while your fingers lazily traced the outline of my body; and how your eyelids fluttered as a slow breath escaped your slightly parted lips while you lay on top of me; and how you were the one that taught me and made me feel what passion really is.

I meant what I said, being single IS fine and I AM slowly getting better at this – at not having you in my life, no communication, no semblance of you. In fact I’m better than I was doing a month ago.

But there is no possible way to escape you today. YOU. Out of anyone – you.

I thought I got rid of you. I thought I flushed you from my system. I guess I understood I was wrong when that stupid RomCom on HBO made me bawl out my eyes. I realized I was crying because it reminded me of you. Of us.

I’m fine. I’m doing okay. I’m gradually moving on.

But I miss you. I miss you. And – though it doesn’t count for anything anymore – I still love you.

(Very, very much. I think a part of me always will.)