Don’t Say You Miss Me When You Don’t

When I say “I miss you,” you don’t need to answer, “I miss you too” because it wasn’t a question that you needed to answer. It was a declaration of my fragile heart that I miss you so badly right now. I needed to swallow my whole damn pride just to reach out to you. And I’m not asking for that same response in return.

When I say “I miss you,” don’t say that you miss me too. I only feel offended by that. Because what I need you to tell me is what makes you miss me too. I think by knowing that, it’ll lessen the pain; it’ll lessen the casualties you’ve left in my heart. And although we can never go back the way we were before, at least I know that you kind of miss me too.

When I say “I miss you” on an early Monday morning, don’t say “I miss you too.” Because I want you to tell me that you’ve been thinking about me lately, about us, about everything we’ve been through. That I’m still a part of your life and that my name still pops up in your head in random hours.

Because I miss you, despite the busy early Monday mornings we all have. I think about you, I choose to think about you first day of every week.

When I say “I miss you,” please don’t say you miss me too when it’s all pretend. Because I don’t want you telling me you miss me when in fact you don’t.

I know it’s stupid that after all this time, I still miss you. I still miss the person who has left me wondering and over-thinking every night. But don’t let me feel as if I don’t know the truth, that you don’t miss me at all. Because I know behind those emojis and words, you no longer care how I am.

So instead of replying me with “I miss you too,” only because you want to be kind to me, I would appreciate it if you tell me that you don’t… at least then you’re telling me the truth.

When I’m awake at 3AM and I reach out to you on Facebook Messenger and send you these three words, please don’t say you miss me too, because it will only make me feel invalid to miss you. It will only prove me that I’m not worthy enough to know what’s happening with your life lately, the life you live without me.

Because the thing about being awake at 3AM is that everything in you is alive and aching. It aches to be vulnerable; it aches to be awake while everyone else is sleeping silently. And it aches to realize that the one you’re with, the one you loved the most and would give everything to, doesn’t miss you at all.

It aches to be the one who has loved the most, but ends up empty and alone.

So when I say “I miss you,” please don’t say “I miss you too,” because it will only hurt me.

Because you don’t miss me the way I miss you.