This Is When I Will Let Go Of You

I will let go of you when all of my self-reflection has caught up to me. I will let go of you when I am done noticing everything I could have done differently.

I will let go of you when I no longer feel regret when I think of you.

I will let go of you when I know that the way you remember me is as gentle as the way you first felt when you met my heart for the first time.

When I think of you and I feel confident in knowing that we danced as much as we could, told secrets as much as we could, and laughed and longed for joy in the arms of each other only to find a better kind of bliss–that is when I will let go of you.

I will let go of you when I learn how to touch your face more softly, learn to tame your anxiety with my eyes and learn how to validate and never under appreciate every single thought that you have.

I will let go of you when I know that you fought for us, even if it’s in your own way.

I will let go of you when all is done differently, when you let me sew up the parts that make us no longer able to mold together, with a kind of determination and passion.

I will let go of you when you are done infinitely kissing my head. I will let go of you when fans become extinct and music festivals are no longer a thing. I will let go of you when the moon hides for long enough to make me realize that this is all just a perception. I will let go of you when I can escape the fact that I have hands and that you were the first person to compliment them.

I will let go of you as soon as you crave to go back to our birthplace, the mindset we had when all was fresh and nothing was yet damaged.

I will let go of you as soon as you let me do it all over again.

But until then, I suppose it is not healthy to place freedom in the arms of someone who refuses to look at you at the same. I suppose that you can let go of someone without closure, with the closure you give yourself. So I will lay here, underneath the stars that you once pointed out, and I will continue to self reflect, and I will notice everything that I could have done differently, and it won’t be to let go of you, it will be to let go of the parts of you that I can no longer have.