12 Movies Every Guy I’ve Ever Met Has Screamed At Me For Not Seeing Before (And My Guesses At What The Plots Are)

1. Caddyshack: The wet dream of every guy in finance who also thinks he could be a standup comedian.

2. The Big Lebowski: Jeff Bridges says “dude” a lot, or something. Don’t they go bowling? John Goodman holds a gun at one point.

3. Die Hard: Guns. Explosions. Probably a car chase. Minimal dialogue. Somehow Christmas-related.

4. Rudy: He plays football and something horrible happens because anytime a guy brings it up he has to close his eyes and sigh heavily.

5. Animal House: John Belushi gets drunk at college. (Also, there’s no way every man under 35 has seen this movie—yet that doesn’t stop them from having that poster of John Belushi chugging Jack Daniels hanging over their bed freshman year of college. It’s the equivalent red flag of a girl having a Breakfast at Tiffany’s poster in her room.)

6. Fight Club: Brad Pitt punches someone and nobody is allowed to talk about it.

7. Billy Madison/Happy Gilmore: Adam Sandler is in both of these movies and I just know one of them is about golf. Right?

8. Old School: Will Ferrell gets drunk at college.

9. Ghostbusters (the original): Pretty self-explanatory, but I do appreciate guys specifying that they like “the original, ya know, the one with Bill Murray” out of fear that I could mistakenly think that they enjoy a female-led film.

10. Starship Troopers: A war happens in space that is entirely different and unrelated to that other movie franchise about wars in space.

11. Any Lord of the Rings movie: Elijah Wood carries a ring around New Zealand and a bunch of elves and wizards try to fight him. Somehow Martin Freeman is involved and I feel like he doesn’t wear shoes throughout the movie, so I want nothing to do with it.

12. Wedding Crashers: I could kill my own mother and guys would still be more emotionally disturbed over me not seeing this movie.