I Have An Old Soul (And That’s Why I’m Better Than You)

I may have the body of a 20-something, but my soul is about 100 years old. I just know it.

I do things like buy records—Urban Outfitters has a great selection. I just play ‘The Best of The Beatles’ on a loop. I don’t even know what Spotify is because I’m just convinced technology is destroying humanity. That’s how old my soul is.

I feel things. Like, really feel them. I am constantly feeling. If someone is crying in front of me, I cry harder and louder. I am always crying—metaphorically and literally. My soul is so, so old.

I always knew I was way ahead of my peers in school. I was never like the others. When teachers would ask the class what we wanted to be when we grew up, all my peers would say “Astronaut!” or “President of the United States!” but I always knew I wanted an unpaid internship at an art gallery.

I guess my soul has always been old.

I don’t like flings, so you have to date me. I get really intense really fast, and will feel bad things if you say you want to slow down. All or nothing. We have to join our bank accounts after the third date.

Hey, it’s just my soul.

I like the simpler things in life. I don’t spend any money (my parents still pay my rent). I drink a lot of tea (Lipton). I don’t watch television (assuming Netflix doesn’t count). I am inspired by real artists (Tumblr users), not celebrities.

I give great advice. I don’t really know what I’m talking about most of the time, but I just let my soul do the talking.

And you have to listen to me. Because even though we’ve been on this Earth for the same amount of time, my soul has definitely been here longer.

I’m always looking for deeper meanings in things. I spiritually can’t accept things like “That’s just the way it is!” or “I don’t really agree that your spirit animal is a wolf” or “Why do you think you’re better than everyone else?”

I am better than everyone else. I’m an old soul.