Responses To Asinine Comments About Tattoos

If you have visible tattoos, you are probably used to receiving various comments about them. Some are positive and usually come from people who are genuinely intrigued by your body art. Then there are questions you’ve grown sick of answering (“Did that hurt?” “What’s that mean?”) but generally don’t mind, provided you’re in a good mood. Finally, there are the egregious remarks that make you want to drink insecticide out of sheer despair because they make absolutely no sense. Here are a few of them.

“Tattoos are ugly.” That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it. But if you’re talking to someone with tattoos, why do you feel the need to be a rude bitch? I don’t like your whore makeup or cheap highlights, but I keep that to myself.

“Won’t they look bad when you’re old?” Here’s news: skin looks like shit after a certain age – how many 80 year-olds do you see with smooth, luminous, runway-ready skin? When you get old, your skin will look dry and crinkly whether it’s illustrated or not, so quit worrying and carpe effing diem. I’ll take my flabby, early-bird-special arms in full-color sleeves over the standard spider veins and age spots any day.

“Don’t they care at work?” Well I’m sure they would, if I showed up in tank tops and miniskirts every day. But chances are you’ll get sent home for dressing like that in most workplaces anyway, so it really doesn’t matter. Don’t get dressed like a drunken sailor in the morning and you won’t raise any eyebrows. It’s that simple.

“Why would you want to hide your body?” Excuse me, but since when is putting ink all over your body and therefore making it more noticeable on a busy sidewalk considered “hiding?” How distinctive do you look in your beige slacks today?

“Now you can’t get a government job.” Good.

“But you’re excluding yourself from certain social groups!” Listen, people who are freaked out by anything unconventional, unexpected or different are people I probably wouldn’t want to hang out with anyway. Luckily, there are also plenty of open-minded and laid back people in the world to hang out with.

“Won’t tattoos look weird with your wedding dress?” Nope. If I ever get married, I plan to wear whatever the hell I want, and I can tell you right now it won’t be a white dress -– I’m no virgin. Though I agree that my tattooed body probably would look a little strange crammed into a traditional ivory gown, it would look even stranger gliding down the aisle toward some white-bread MBA with a comb over.

“But they’re permanent.” Show me anyone or anything permanent and I will give you two grand and a cookie. No, seriously -– I’ll wait.