And Sadly, I Still Love You

You never want to believe the end of something is truly the end. For me, it wasn’t the end and I’m still here– sitting, wishing, and waiting for the end to come. And while I do that I receive snapchat after snapchat from you.

When does it end? It ends when you find a new girlfriend, I find a new boyfriend, or we magically get back together.

That is when it ends.

I wish with every fiber of my being that I could text you and ask you straight out why you have been snapchatting me so much. Mainly because for me, this is false hope for my weak little heart. For me, this is a sign that you’ve been thinking about me. And for me, this makes me believe that there’s still something there.

The worst part is for you I might be just another name you send your mass snapchats to. I might be another person you receive a snapchat from that you don’t think twice about. If I had to guess, for you this is extremely harmless.

When does it end? It ends when you find a new girlfriend, I find a new boyfriend, or we magically get back together.

That is when it ends.

I wish I could text you and ask you why you are snapchatting me even after you have declined my invitation to get food together not once, but twice. I want to ask you why you are doing this to me. You’re torturing me and you’re too blind to notice.

Maybe for you this is fun and innocent, but to me it’s cruel. You know where I stood in December, and in March. You should know better than to do this to me. You should know better than to assume that it’s OK. It is not OK.

Every snapchat, every text makes me believe that you haven’t forgotten about me just yet. Every unanswered snapchat and, every rejection makes me believe it’s over. So please, if you are doing this for your own selfish pleasure, stop.

When does it end? It ends when you find a new girlfriend, I find a new boyfriend, or we magically get back together.

That is when it ends.

I know in my heart I do not want it to end. I know in my head it has probably ended for you a long time ago. I know in my heart that I get excited every time your name pops up on my lock screen. And I know in my head that your status is probably, “I don’t know what I want,” the way it has been for the past two and a half years.

Please either take me up on my dinner date invite or stop snapchatting me. It’s confusing.

I’m confused.

And sadly, I still love you.