I Won’t Wait For You To Grow Up, So You Better Shape Up

I’m sick of the dating scene, because it’s filled with too many men who think they can get away with using and abusing me. But I want a mature man. A man who won’t fuck around about how he feels.

My time is too valuable to waste. 

I’m not going to wait years for you to come back when I could be spending my time dating other men who are actually mature enough to commit themselves to me. If you want me, then you better get ready for a real, adult relationship right now. If you leave me, then that’s it. You’re going to lose me forever. It’s now or never, sweetie.

I’m being perfectly reasonable. 

I’m not asking for anything crazy. Play all of the video games you want, as long as you still get to work on time. Go out with your friends and get wasted as often as you’d like, as long as you still set aside time for date nights. You can be a kid at heart, as long as you’re responsible when it comes to the things that matter. That’s not an unreasonable request. It’s really not.

Dating games won’t fly with me.

When I was a kid in kindergarten, my crush pushed me on the playground to let me know he liked me, but it’s been decades since that kind of behavior has been acceptable. If you like me, then all you have to do is say the words. Don’t fuck around about it. I’m not interested in deciphering your vague text messages and trying to figure out whether you’re playing hard to get or just aren’t into me. Just be blunt with me. I don’t have time for childish mind games.

I want a boyfriend, not a baby. 

I’m not your mother. I’m not going to do your laundry or cook your meals for you, and I’m certainly not going to tell you when you should go to bed or leave for work. If you want me to treat you like you’re a grown man when we’re alone in bed together, then you should act like a grown man when it’s time to go grocery shopping and do taxes. I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in dating an oversized child.

I’m ready for something serious.

Back when I was younger, I might’ve fallen for the bad boy who doesn’t text back or answer calls from his mother, but I’m over it. I’m not looking for another fling that I can brag to my friends about. I’m looking for something serious, so if you’re not marriage material, you should move on to the next girl.

We live in a changing world.

You’re not superior, just because you have a penis. You don’t deserve to orgasm more than I do, and you don’t get to sit on your ass while I take care of all the housework, either. Being “the man” doesn’t mean you have to bring home the big paycheck and change the oil in the car anymore. Now, it requires you to treat your partner like an equal.

We’ll never last if you act like a little boy.

If we have a problem, I want to be able to discuss it with you like two mature adults, so that we can fix it. If you run away whenever a conflict occurs, we’re never going to be able to make our relationship work. That’s why you have to grow up. If you keep acting like a child, then I’m going to have to send you back home to your mommy.