I’ll Never Be The ‘Cool’ Girlfriend, But I’m A Good Girlfriend

I want to be the girl who initiates sex every night and plays poker with the boys every weekend, but that’s just not me. I’m going to nag you about the dishes if they’re still in the sink when I get home and raise hell when you flirt with another woman in front of me. I’ll never be the cool girlfriend that every guy wants, but I’m a good girlfriend, and that’s all that matters.

I actually give a shit about your well-being.

If I’m casually seeing you, I’ll encourage you to down shots until you vomit and to call out of work the next day. But if I’m in a serious relationship you, I’m not going to let you ruin your career or your liver. I’ll make sure that you drink responsibly, call a cab to get home, and get to work on time the next day. It’s not because I’m a nag or a bore. It’s because I give a shit.

I have a right to express basic human emotions.

I’m not afraid of being called a psycho girlfriend. If you piss me off, I have a right to yell at you. If you yell back at me, I have a right to burst out crying. I’m not going to apologize for having emotions. You have them, too. I don’t want us to hold them back. I’d rather have us to expose every little piece of ourselves. That’s what real love is all about.

I’m not immune from jealousy.

You can have female friends. You can text them and hug them and “like” their Instagram pictures. But if you overstep your boundaries and say or do something I consider inappropriate, I’m not going to be as lenient with you in the future. I’ve been cheated on in the past. I’m not going to let it happen again, so I’ll be taking precautions.

I respect myself too much to let you control me.

I love you, so I’m willing to do things I’m not all that fond of to make you happy–to an extent. I’ll consider any favor you ask of me, but I’m not going to let you take advantage of me. That means no threesomes, no sex tapes, and only occasional anal. If you don’t like it, then you shouldn’t be with me.

I’m honest about who I am.

Have you ever read Gone Girl? Gillian Flynn makes it pretty clear that “cool girl” doesn’t exist. Sure, when I like a guy, I might slip into sexy lingerie and try to remain a size zero for a while, but I can’t keep up the act forever. In fact, it’s easier if I never put on that act to begin with. I’d rather be honest about who I am from the start.

I refuse to consider sex a chore.

I’ll admit it. I’m going to turn down sex when I’m tired or pissed or just not in the mood. But that means whenever we do have sex, I’m going to be 100% into it. You can expect my undivided attention, which means you’re going to orgasm hard. And more than once.

I won’t lie to keep you happy.

I’m not the girl who will pretend that everything is okay when she’s dying inside. If I’m angry, I’m going to tell you why, in detail. If I kept the info to myself, then we’d never solve any of our problems and our relationship would crumble. I don’t want that. I want to spend forever with you, which is why I’m willing to have the tough conversations.