We Owe It To Ourselves To Be This Kind Of Woman

We need to be comfortable in our own skin.

This may not come naturally to you at first, and that is okay. It might take years of conscious practise on your part, to eventually feel confident and comfortable with who you really are at the very core. But take that time, and be sure to get yourself there. You owe it to your heart and your soul to honour them, always. And don’t ever let anyone make you feel as though you won’t be accepted for who you are. If you feel the need to make changes and to better yourself, please do, as long as you are making those changes for you, and for nobody else.

We must be confident saying yes, and saying no.

Never, ever, do anything to solely please somebody else. If saying yes makes you happy, then say it. If saying no will make you happier, then say it. Don’t hesitate. If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you have a high level of choice and freedom in the way you lead your life, and the choices you are able to make daily. You’re one of the lucky ones. Don’t ever willingly hand over your gift of freedom to somebody else. Compose yourself, decide what you want, and express that decision with confidence. Never feel guilty for doing what feels right, or for who you are in this moment. You don’t owe anyone a dime.

We need to be graceful when we are wronged.

Our defence mechanism will instinctively raise our guards, and prepare us for war when we believe we are coming under attack. But as the saying goes, an eye for an eye will only end up making the whole world blind. Hitting back in anger will not undo what was done to us. And it cannot, and will not, make us feel better in the long run. Distance yourself from those who continually choose to bruise you. Don’t tarnish yourself with the toxic paint from someone else’s brush. You were born with the strength to rise above it. Turn the other cheek, and don’t waste another precious one of your thoughts or seconds on the way others choose to behave. That is none of your business. Don’t choose to make it so. Continue to carry yourself with the grace and integrity that you always have done.

We need to be kind to everybody. Always.

Kindness is possibly the most important one of all. A true act of kindness can only come from someone who carries a good heart. Anyone can have a good heart, so long as they choose it. If ever you find yourself at rock bottom with seemingly nothing to offer; know that you will always find the gift of kindness residing within you, ready to pour out of your soul, and into the lives of others. Whichever path you choose to take, be sure to be kind to everyone you meet along your way, including those who can do nothing for you. You will meet them all again, someday.

But don’t forget to be kind to yourself. We are often our own worst critics, and tend to dwell on mistakes, and not pay nearly enough attention to all of our successes and triumphs. All of us could do with a sprinkle of kindness on each of our days. You never know the kind of day that somebody else might be having. Your words or actions might just be everything they are desperately seeking.

We need to be aware that our beauty is far more than our looks.

We know that all of our looks will begin to fade one day. We know. Yet we choose to side-line this knowledge. We place such high importance on the physical appearance of ourselves and of others; quietly knowing that it shouldn’t matter, but somehow finding that is still does. We often discount the real, hidden beauty that can be found within. Ask yourself, if everybody was blind, how many people would you really impress? Start by bettering yourself from the inside, and the outside will follow in turn.

When it comes to relationships, don’t make the vain mistake of choosing the person who is the most beautiful – choose the person who makes your world the most beautiful place that you can imagine. And know that the you right now is beautiful, regardless of if anyone sees your beauty or not. Just because something cannot be seen, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Trust me when I tell you, people will always be able to feel it.

We need to be brave when we are scared.

The feeling of being afraid is a good one, because it reminds us we are all human and not a damn single one of us is invincible. It reminds us that we are alive. It reminds us that we are so very small and fragile. Sometimes you will feel a little fragile. Maybe a whole lot fragile. But know that fear is merely a hologram; an image we conjure up ourselves from the darkest depths of our souls.

Battle your way through the fear, and confront the voices in your head that will always be there trying to convince you that you are worthless and incapable of greatness. The more times you do anything, the easier it becomes. You will probably look back a year later, and wonder what the hell you were so scared of in the first place. It’s just life. Don’t find yourself at the end of it wishing you had challenged yourself more, pushed yourself harder, worried less, and taken more risks.

We need to be happy for other women’s successes.

Hating her won’t make you feel, or do, any better. Jealousy doesn’t suit you anything like happiness does. And what you need to know, is that having what she has won’t truly make you happy, because you are not her. Her path is so very different to yours. Your needs and deepest desires are innate to you, and only you.

We need to lift each other’s spirits up high, send out the warmest of wishes, and embark on our own journeys of success. When you radiate genuine kind and positive thoughts, those are what you shall receive back from the universe. Wise men and women will never enter the ring with karma. They know better.

We must be self-loving, before we begin to love others.

You have to fall in love with yourself, first and foremost. You need to be whole on your own. Don’t purposely leave yourself incomplete, naively believing that someone else is meant to fill in your blank spaces. They cannot. They can only add to the foundations you have already built within you; but those foundations are down to you. Make them as strong and unbreakable as you can, for they will need to last you a lifetime.

Discover what excites you, and what you loathe, what turns you on, and what keeps you lying wide awake in deep thought at night. Find out who you really are, because only then will you be able to see the one you are meant to be looking for. Take your time. The world will still be here, waiting. Love has no time-keepers.

We have to be our own cheerleaders.

Don’t ever be waiting for someone to pick you up off the floor and shake you awake to your life. If you do find yourself in a time of need, be still, and look inside yourself. Everything we could need will already be residing quietly within us; waiting patiently for us to seek it out. It all rests on your shoulders. Your life will be what YOU choose to make of it. Maybe you’re not quite where you hoped you would be by now. But that’s okay. Just keep going forward. Sometimes you will crawl, and sometimes you will fly. You are amazing; don’t ever forget that. Encourage yourself. Fight hard for what you want. Believe in yourself, and the message you are carrying here on this earth, for no one’s message will be the same as yours.

Sometimes, all it takes is one book. One book that turns your world upside down. One book that changes your entire life.

Bloom by Shani Jay available here.