Here Are The 16 Best Jokes From President Obama’s Last White House Correspondent’s Dinner
“And there’s one area where Donald’s experience could be invaluable, and that’s closing Guantanamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground.”
On Saturday, April 30, President Obama spoke at his last White House Correspondent’s dinner. Last year, he brought Keegan-Michael Key as his “anger translator.” This year, Helen Mirren got a bigger round of applause than Kendall Jenner, and when Obama finished his speech, he literally dropped the mic and said, “Obama out.” He also included a hilarious tribute to the candidates who weren’t polling high enough to qualify for a joke (Kasich). President Obama explained why he and Michelle will be staying in Washington for a couple years after his second term concludes, which led to him self-identifying as the “Couch Commander.” During a few sketches they showed at the dinner, the President called the Washington Wizards and asked about coaching opportunities. And perhaps most notably, in one of the sketches, Michelle’s phone had a turnip sticker on the back of it. Overall, President Obama’s final performance did not disappoint, and here are the 16 best jokes from the 2016 White House Correspondent’s Dinner:
On the problematic state of the GOP:
1. “It’s an honor to be at my last — and perhaps the last — White House Correspondent’s dinner.”
2. “Guests were asked to choose whether they wanted steak or fish. But instead a whole bunch of you wrote in, ‘Paul Ryan.’ That’s not an option people. Steak or fish. You may not like steak or fish, but that’s your choice.”
On the current state of the press:
3. “As you know, Spotlight is a film about investigative journalists with the resources and the autonomy to chase down the truth and hold the powerful accountable. Best fantasy film since Star Wars.”
On Hillary, and how she doesn’t appeal to the young voters because she is too much like your relative who just got Facebook:
4. “Dear America, did you get my poke? Is it appearing on your wall? I’m not sure I’m using this right. Love, Aunt Hillary.”
On “The Donald,” and how he didn’t show up to the dinner:
5. “You’ve got a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras, and he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for the Donald? What could he possibly be doing instead? Is he at home, eating a Trump steak, tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel?”
On Trump’s experience and campaign:
6. “They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president. But in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world: Ms. Sweden, Ms. Argentina, Ms. Azerbaijan.”
7. “And there’s one area where Donald’s experience could be invaluable, and that’s closing Guantanamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground.”
8. “Nice to be here at the White House Correspondent’s dinner, or as you know they’re gonna call it next year, Donald Trump presents a luxurious evening paid for by Mexico.” — Larry Wilmore, who hosted the dinner
On Bernie:
9. “Bernie you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you’ll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each.”
10. “Just recently a young person came up to me and said she was sick of politicians standing in the way of her dreams. As if we were actually going to let Malia go to Burning Man this year. It was not gonna happen. Bernie might’ve let her go. Not us.”
On Ted Cruz and his semi-Canadian status:
11. “What else is in his lexicon? ‘Baseball sticks’? ‘Football hats’? But, sure, I’m the foreign one.”
On other Canadian things:
12. “Someone just said to me, ‘Mr.President, you are so yesterday. Justin Trudeau has replaced you. He’s so handsome, he’s so charming. He’s the future.’ And I said, ‘Justin, just give it a rest.’”
On what it feels like to get less respect when leaving the White House:
13. “In just six short months, I’ll be officially a lame duck, which means congress will flat-out reject my authority, and Republican leaders won’t take my phone calls. And this is gonna take some getting used to. It’s a curve ball, I don’t know what to do with it.”
14. “Prince George showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe. That was a slap in the face.”
On Michelle and him staying in D.C.:
15. “Michelle can stay closer to her plot of carrots. She’s already making plans to see them every day.”
On meeting Kendall Jenner before the dinner:
16. “I’m not exactly sure what she does, but I’m told that my Twitter mentions are about to go through the roof.” 
