21 April Ludgate-isms To Help You Lead Your Best Life

1. “I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things.”

2. “Time is money. Money is power. Power is pizza. Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go.”

3. “Horizons are dumb. Never broaden your horizons.”

4. [On dealing with conflict]: “I very maturely and straightforwardly left anonymous comments about her online.”

5. [To Jerry/Larry/Terry/Gary] “Can you photoshop your life with better decisions?”

6. [On the phone with concerned citizen] “I declare that everything you are saying is stupid.”

7. “I hate talking to people.”

8. “No, I didn’t win. But at least I didn’t make any new friendships.”

9. “Beauty pageants are idiotic. But I found out that the winner of the Miss Pawnee pageant gets $600. I can be idiotic for $600.”

10. “Hello, I’m April Ludgate. I’m 20-years-old. I like people… places… and things.”

11. [On being in nature] “The air is too fresh. It’s disgusting. I can’t breathe. There’s a brook somewhere that won’t stop babbling. Shut up!”

12. [Explaining to Anne why she’s dressed as a pilgrim] “Leslie said it was a ‘come as you were in the 90s party.’ I assumed it was the 1690s.”

13. “I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk, my two true passions.”

14. “I can convince small children that I’m a witch.”

15. [On her wedding vows to Andy] “I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you.”

16. “I think I may have found a project I’d actually enjoy doing: helping these cats and dogs [find homes]. They should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people.”

17. “If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal usted.”

18. [Competing with Chris Traeger] “I don’t care about that prize. But I’m gonna win because I want his happiness to go away.”

19. “That’s gross. I love it.”

20. “I love games that turn people against each other.”

21. “Deep down inside everyone is just faking it until they figure it out.”