Today I Will Start To Heal

Today, I will start to heal.
Today, I will turn my face towards the sun and embrace its warmth, bright and burning with passion.
Today, I will still think of you, your soft lips and your wicked arms
that entangled me, holding me hostage in your care.

But today, I will not cry.
I will not succumb to the wretched jolts in my stomach, those that climax into sobs.
I will not dream of your body in pinky-white hues.

No.
Today, I will start to heal.
Today, I will think of you in simple black and white
just as you were my everything and nothing all at once.
Today, I will honor the wretched jolts in my stomach, those that climaxed into sobs.

The sobs that you tempted.
Today, I will remember the times I set myself on fire just so you could feel warm.
Or the times I contorted myself into knots so that I could fit into your pocket,
diminishing my magnitude to be at your slight, beautiful size.

Today, I will remember the darkness that poisoned my spirit.
That dark cloud of smoke you drove into my being, greedily engulfing and shielding my light.

Today, I will start to heal.
Today, I am generating my own warmth.
Today, I am the sun. I am whole and I am bright and I am burning with passion.
Today, I am the center of my own universe.

Tomorrow, I will continue to heal.