The Truth Behind Asking Someone, ‘What’s Your Number?’

“How many people have you slept with?”

The question hung in the air between us. It was inevitable that he was going to ask but I was hoping it would have been later on. It was one I often avoided, not because I was ashamed or had a number that was at all high but it was just the purpose behind the question itself. He wasn’t really asking how many people I had slept with.

When I refused to answer the question and explained why it didn’t matter was when everything ended. It was the things he said to me afterwards that made me start to question myself. He accused me of hooking up with people and using them without a care in the world. And when he uttered the phrase ‘you’re such a guy’ is when it felt like he had punched me in the gut.

As women, we have some high expectations to fill. We’re supposed to be innocent virgins who magically know how to do everything and be everything in the bedroom. Our number of sexual partners needs to stay low and be completely accepting of our partner’s high conquests. But men feel it too. Men are supposed to have high numbers to seem like ‘the man’ amongst their friends. We do it to each other.

There is nothing wrong with having high numbers (as long as you’re being safe!) or with having low numbers. The amount of sexual partners we have in our life time is not reflective of the soul beneath us.

You can be promiscuous in a committed relationship without cheating. It’s about finding what works for you and your significant other.

My best sexual encounter was my most recent. Why? It was amazing because I was able to be myself. There was no judgement. It was freeing. It had nothing to do with how many people either of us had been with and everything to do with the attraction and ability to just be who we are as humans. Sex forces vulnerability because in those moments it’s really hard to be anything other than you.

So why is sex still this shameful thing? Why is it that what we do in our own bedroom is frowned upon when really if you look at any advertisement sex is the main sales technique?

We still have that old school thinking of sex being for procreation instead of recreation. And I fully support that but it’s not this bad thing that we should feel bad about doing.

I’m not the person to believe that you need to be in love to have sex. I just have never been that person. Having said that, I have cared about every person I have been with. Maybe not in a romantic forever way but definitely in a respect way.

My point is your body is your body. If you don’t want to tell people how many people you’ve slept with then don’t. If you want to sleep with someone then do it. Just don’t feel like shit because you did. Every encounter you have with people, sexual or otherwise, should leave you feeling good about yourself and not awful. Ultimately at the end of the day if you can look yourself in the eye and know you made the right decision for you then that’s all that matters.