6 Things To Know Before You Fall In Love With A Woman Who Has A Dirty Sense Of Humor

My mom has a problem with my sense of humor. Since I’m 32 and I don’t live at home (thank you, sweet sexy apple cobbler), this isn’t a conflict that comes up that often. That said, whenever I’m at home visiting I inevitably make an inappropriate remark about Sting (read:”He can walk through my fields of gold any day!”).

I’m on the receiving end of a lecture about my gross sense of humor. To which I say,”TWADDLE!” It’s good that I’m gross. Being gross and being a woman is important. I’ve written down six important truths you need to know about women with a dirty sense of humor. Join me, won’t you?

1. We love the sounds our bodies make.

As a crass woman I’m perpetually delighted in each and every fart, gasp, sigh, rumble, queef, or slap my body produces. Because these auditory treasures fill me with such gladness, I tend to talk about them. Verily, never shall I be the one who denied it, and thus supplied it.

2. We’re completely shameless.

Being shameless doesn’t come naturally to me. True story, I recently saw a woman trip on the street and yelled “Sorry!” like I was in anyway responsible for her untied laces. I worked hard to be all IDGAF about my tragicomic pit stains. If I’ve got vanilla ice cream on my face, I’ll wipe it off, but not before I make a joke that will most likely involve semen.

3. We’re feminists.

Any vulgar woman worth her salt is proud of being a woman who exists on planet earth. We might joke about walking a little funny from a night of rough plowing, but that’s our joke to make. If you slut-shame us, if you’re grossed out by us, if you body-shame us, that’s your prerogative, sure, but we’re here to tell you ain’t OK … and we probably will.

4. We love bad jokes.

Q: What’s the difference between jam and jelly?

A: I can’t jelly my dick up your ass.

5. We bring people together with laughter.

If I make a fart joke around my dad, he frequently expresses his disgust about low-brow humor. But here’s the thing: since the dawn of man it’s those basic (in the literal sense) things like sh*tting and pissing and eating and sex-having that united us all as human beings! Not being able to laugh at a hearty belch is akin to denying your humanity.

6. We use a multitude of humor types.

I can think boner gags are funny and still be a person capable of seriousness and gravitas. All of us can; we’re human beings and as such there isn’t much we can’t do, and that includes getting snot stuck on our face AND discussing Hegel.

Being a dirty-joking woman means being strong and wry, and funny and human, and capable of admitting you aren’t perfect, and that you shouldn’t have to be.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.