I’m Ready To Fall For You And I’m Ready For You To Catch Me

One day, I will see you
Maybe across the street or across a room
You’ll be reading, dancing, walking, or maybe
You’ll already be looking at me

I’ll hate you
For coming into my rock bottom state of love
I’ll tell you to leave, beg you to leave
Because I’ll be seemingly content without love
I will be so convinced that I don’t need it
And you will confirm that
But you will stay because it won’t be about need but more about want
It’ll be your choice to stay

First, you will notice the resistance
You will stand before a fortress so high you cannot see the top
An illusion of infinity
Me as the self-imposed Rapunzel
The wall that kept hurt out but love out as well
Brave suitors before you have stood before that wall
Some have broken through it and caused it to become higher
Others have given up without the effort

Perhaps because of you
There will be doorway constructed amongst the defense
For people to come and go as they please
Because of you I will learn how to let people live their lives
Even if they are no longer intertwined with mine
And you will be by my side for those tearful goodbyes and waving hands

When you see another pretty girl
I’m sure you will appreciate her beauty
Just like the rest of the world
But something about the way you look at her
Will never amount to the way you look at me
And I will remember that you are not like the ones
Who have turned that look into something more

I will have an idea of my beauty
Developed from the compliments of strangers and past lovers and friends
An idea which I will not really believe in
Due to a world that’s full of images I cannot become
But you’ll shatter that those aspirations with a strong voice
That delivers compliment after compliment after compliment
About my face, my body
But most importantly my mind, my soul
I’ll wonder how your voice hasn’t grown hoarse
With how overworked it is while building me up

Darkness will leak through the cracks in my heart
I might even try to hurt you with it
But you’ll take it in your hands
And sculpt it into a masterpiece
We will admire it together
Because you’ll make me realize
That the darkness doesn’t have to be all bad

For some reason
Your feet will never tire from running after me
Not because I like being chased
The same old games have tired me out
But because you’ll see what I’m really running from is not you
But all the accumulation of my past combined into a mess I cannot clean
A mess I’ve been trying to clean that drove everyone else away

You will help me see my flaws one by one
Laid out in a showcase
Each one unveiled with each fight
You will make me realize that
I must grow stronger
I must love properly
I must be kinder
I must polish my soul
And that I must do all these things
Not for you but
For me

I will wait
For you to turn out to be like the idea in my head
I will wait for you to walk out
Putting more and more distance between us with step hurried step
I will wait for you to want to be with someone else
Because I’ve been there before
I will wait for you to exert your control over me
To make your dreams come before mine
I will wait to be viewed as an object
A vase, a table, a lamp, a replaceable item
Which if not proved satisfactory
Can be obtained again

For the first time
I will be left waiting for an eternity
Because that kind of hurt will never come again
While there may be pain in you and me
It will be the kind of pain that makes me feel alive
That drives me to be the person I’m meant to be
Everything you do for me
Will be a reflection of what I should have done for myself
With the people of my past
The things that I’m doing now

Finally, after failed attempts
That wall will come crashing down
Because I’ll have placed dynamite in all the right places
Your toothbrush will be next to mine
At the bathroom sink
Your shirts thrown in with mine in the third drawer on the right
I will see your coat hanging adjacent to mine as I pass through the foyer
The refrigerator will be stocked with your favorite foods
Alongside my favorites
They will be signs of your permanence

But it will give me a much needed intermission
From the battles I’ve been fighting
It’ll be the greenery that grows in between the paved sidewalk
It’ll be the sunlight that shines through after hurricanes
It’ll be the gasp of air taken after swimming against the waves
Life will be a bit easier because of you
And I hope that yours will be too
Because of me

We will fall
Madly in love
And we will be caught
Over and over again
By one another