1. THE INCREDIBLE FIVE-DAY BONER

At the culmination of a two-day alcoholic bender in 2015, British construction worker Daniel Medforth gulped down 35 Viagra tablets “for a laugh,” but the little blue pills would have the last laugh. Medforth wound up in the hospital for 36 hours with “a massive erection that would not go away” for most of the next five days. According to Medforth, hospital workers tried not to laugh at him:

I ended up feeling sick, dizzy and hallucinating—everything I saw was green. The paramedics were very professional but you could see they were trying not to laugh.

Medforth survived the ordeal. He claims that his wife now forgives him and that he feels “very, very lucky” to still be alive.

2. WIFE SPIKES WINE, HUSBAND HAS HEART ATTACK

In an attempt to spice up their lagging love live, the wife of a 50-year-old Italian construction worker spiked his wine with two crushed-up Viagra pills during one notte d’amore in 2007. She apparently wasn’t expecting it to give him a heart attack. But even though he nearly died, he was excessively forgiving and perhaps even submissive, which may have been at the root of his erectile issues in the first place:

She tried to secretly give me a bit of extra “motivation” in bed with two pills of Viagra in a glass of wine. In fact, the whole episode of having a heart attack has made me cut down the stress in my life and pull back at work. And because of that our sexual relationship has got better.

3. PILL-COUNTING WIFE HAMMERS HUSBAND’S SKULL

In August 2007 an Englishwoman named Georgina Challen grabbed a hammer and smashed in her husband’s skull while he was eating lunch, killing him. She blamed her rageful outburst on the fact that she discovered him cheating by obsessively counting the dwindling numbers of his Viagra pills. As chaplains were coaxing her off the ledge of a famous suicide cliff in Beachy Head, she confessed to the murder and her motivation: “I killed him with a hammer. I hit him lots of times. If I can’t have him, no one can.”

4. A HEARTBROKEN YOUNG MAN’S VIAGRA HUMILIATION SUICIDE

A young British writer named James Andrews committed suicide on Valentine’s Day 2012 by walking in front of a train three days after his girlfriend of six weeks, ballet dancer Eleanor Sharpe, broke up with him. According to Sharpe, they had quarreled after Andrews admitted to her that he’d lied about not using Viagra to enhance his erections; furious at this lie, she had dumped him.

5. RUSSIAN MARATHON DEATH ORGY

Mechanic Sergey Tuganov, described by a British tabloid as a “SEX-MAD Russian,” accepted a $4,300 bet from two female friends that he would be unable to sexually keep pace with them for twelve hours. He scarfed down an entire bottle of Viagra and successfully rutted with both girls for 12 hours. But he never got to collect his payoff: Within moments of winning the bet, he died of a Viagra-induced heart attack.

6. GANGRENE ON THE PEEN

A humble Colombian farmer in his mid-60s named Gentil Ramírez Polanía who resided in a town with the fateful name of Gigante claims he “intentionally” took far more than the recommended dose of Viagra one day in 2013 to impress his girlfriend, only to wind up suffering a bone-bone that lasted several days and sent him into the hospital with an inflamed, fractured penis that showed signs of gangrene. Several initial reports erroneously claimed that Polanía’s ding-dong was so far gone that he underwent penile amputation, yet he would like the world to know that even though he underwent emergency surgery to stop the spread of gangrene, he still has an intact and intermittently functional penis and that reports of its demise are premature.

7. THE SCHLONG THAT NEARLY EXPLODED

This story involves an injectable boner-enhancement drug called Trimix rather than Viagra, but it’s so severe that it deserves inclusion—that, plus the fact that when it first appeared on Reddit, the redditor who calls himself “SoreCock” titled his infamous thread “TIFU by injecting Viagra into my penis”:

I got the wife on board for a night of marathon sex, injected myself, and almost instantly got the thickest and hardest erection I’ve ever experienced. I almost didn’t recognize my dick. Walking around the house with my massive shlong wagging around was great….I came…twice…and it only got HARDER. I started pouring cold water over it. Nothing. I took four Sudafed pills (as suggested online when you get an out-of-control erection)….Knowing that the medication came with a warning that prolonged erections lasting longer than 4 hours require emergency medical attention, I rushed to the ER….Eventually they got a butterfly needle and proceeded to extract a STUPENDOUS amount of blood out of my cock, as the doctors took turns squeezing my dick like a lemon. Pics of cock, and jar of blood below, obviously NSFW:

http://imgur.com/a/GFyT7

SoreCock promised that despite his penile agony, he will try the injection again, but at a lower and more sensible dose.

8. LAMAR ODOM’S SWOLLEN SCROTUM

Originally known as an NBA player before he got sucked into the wormhole of antimatter known as the Kardashian family, Lamar Odom nearly died in the fall of 2015 at the Love Ranch brothel in Pahrump, NV. Odom was found unconscious after a four-day, $75K drugs-and-hooker binge involving crack cocaine and at least 10 tablets of an herbal Viagra tablet known as Reload 72-Hour Strong Sexual Performance Enhancer for Men, whose packaging includes a tasteful rendering of a woman kissing a phallic hybrid of a gun that is miraculously blossoming into a lipstick tube. According to E! News, “virtually every drug imaginable was found in his system,” yet Odom survived to party yet another day.

9. THE ‘HIMALAYAN VIAGRA’ MURDERS

An extremely rare fungus that grows out of the heads of dead caterpillars in Nepal is touted for its aphrodisiac properties and is known as “Himalayan Viagra.” It is so rare and fetches such high prices that it often leads to disputes among indigenous villagers. In June of 2009, nineteen villagers from one small mountain community used sticks and knives to beat seven rivals to death in a quarrel over who had the rights to harvest this legendary boner-inducing caterpillar fungus.

10. VIAGRA AS A WEAPON OF WAR

Before the US intervened and destabilized Libya to the point where it’s now a chaotic theocratic blood-and-guts rape paradise, the chief prosecutor at the International Criminal Court in The Hague accused Libyan Prime Minister Muammar Gaddafi of supplying his troops with Viagra to facilitate the wanton raping of all who dared question his authority.

11. SKIN CANCER

In 2015 the widow of a Minnesota man named John Wood, Jr. sued Viagra producer Pfizer, Inc. for wrongful death after her husband—who’d used the Little Blue Pill for 11 years—died of melanoma in 2009. A study published in 2014 alleged that men who took Viagra were 84% more likely to develop the deadly skin cancer than men who didn’t.

12. DEAFNESS

An article in England’s Telegraph links 47 cases of rapid hearing loss to use of Viagra and analogues such as Levitra and Cialis. The statistic was gleaned from a scholarly paper in The Laryngoscope titled “Viagra deafness—Sensorineural hearing loss and phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors.”

13. BLINDNESS

A neuro-ophthalmologist at the University of Maryland Medical center declared in 2001 that he’d found five cases where men permanently lost their eyesight as a direct result of taking Viagra. In 2010, the guitarist for the band Tokio Hotel claims he had blurry vision for two straight days after taking a few blue pills while on tour in Asia:

I popped a few more pills, probably too many. The next morning my head was pounding and everything in front of my eyes was blurry. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was pretty bad.

14. BRAIN HEMORRHAGES

A 2001 review of Viagra-related deaths in Britain revealed that use of the drug—which causes the widening of blood vessels—resulted in four fatal brain hemorrhages. A brain hemorrhage is also suspected in the 2014 Viagra-related death of a young Turkish man.

15. BOOTLEG VIAGRA HEART ATTACK

The 1999 heart-attack death of an Illinois man was blamed on his use of bootleg Viagra he’d purchased online because he was embarrassed about telling his doctor he had a problem achieving and maintaining a stiffie.

16. DYING WITH THEIR BOOTS ON AT THE LOVE HOTEL

Japanese “Love Hotels” are lodging establishments that are essentially set aside for prostitution, if not explicitly so. In 2008 a proprietor of one such hotel said that he’d witnessed two Viagra-related fatalities due to older men consorting with young prostitutes:

It appears that with more widespread usage of Viagra, more older men are dying with their boots on, if you know what I mean…I guess when men are having affairs, they tend to push themselves beyond their own limits. For an older man to take Viagra and then jump on a young girl’s bones, he’s asking for trouble.

17. WOMAN USES ‘VIAGRA SELF-DEFENSE’ ARGUMENT IN MURDER TRIAL

When 33-year-old Kansas City resident Mary Frost was standing trial for the stabbing death of her 77-year-old male roommate Oscar Fingers in 1998, she claimed that the old codger had been driven so insane with lust after gobbling Viagra that it forced him to attempt raping her, which of course forced her to stab him to death. The jury didn’t buy her alibi, and she was convicted of murder.