10 Biological Sex Deformities (With Photos)
WARNING: Do NOT click on any links marked "PHOTO" within three hours of eating any meals.
By 
Jim Goad
WARNING: Do NOT click on any links marked “PHOTO” within three hours of eating any meals.
1. DIPHALLIA
AFFECTS: MALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: 1 per 2.5 million male births
SUMMARY: One man, TWO PENISES! In many cases, it is actually only one penis split along the shaft. But the extremely rare “true diphallia” features anything from two distinct dickie-heads to two fully developed urogenitary tracts.
2. HYPOSPADIAS
AFFECTS: MALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: 1 per 300 male births
SUMMARY: The urethral meatus (pee-hole) is located anywhere on the penis but where it should be, almost like the hole on a flute.
3. HERMAPHRODITISM
AFFECTS: HARD TO TELL
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE:
“TRUE” VERSION—1 per 83,000 LIVE BIRTHS
“PSEUDO” VERSION—1 per 500 LIVE BIRTHS
SUMMARY: A “true” hermaphrodite’s internal sex organs contain both ovarian and testicular tissue. In some cases, this means a ball on one side and an ovary on the other; in others, it means hybrid beasties known as “ovatestes.” To the naked eye, their external genitals tend to be iffy—maybe it’s a big clit, perhaps it’s a teeny weenie, perchance it’s some unholy peno-vaginal mishmash. Pseudo-hermaphrodites have the chromosomes and internal sex organs of only one gender while their external protuberances are, again, anyone’s guess.
4. KLINEFELTER’S SYNDROME
AFFECTS: MALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: 1.5 per 1,000 male births
SUMMARY: An extra “X” chromosome or two leads to above-average height, tiny nuts, low testosterone, sub-par intelligence, sterility, and in some cases, embarrassing man-boobs.
5. TURNER SYNDROME
AFFECTS: FEMALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: 1 per 2,500 female births
SUMMARY: The absence of a crucial “X” chromosome results in average adult heights of 4’7″ , a sad-looking “triangular” face, a short neck that is often webbed, a barren womb, swollen hands, spotted pigmentation, turned-out elbows, and small breasts spaced widely apart with inverted nipples.
6. MICROPENIS
AFFECTS: MALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: 1 per 165 male births
SUMMARY: The penis is normally shaped and fully functional yet hilariously small. In extremely rare cases—an estimated one in 30 million—there isn’t even the suggestion of a penis.
7. PENILE TORSION
AFFECTS: MALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: Many men have it to some degree; not considered problematic unless penis is off-kilter more than one-eighth of a turn.
SUMMARY: The penis head and/or shaft is twisted like a corkscrew, for some reason almost always in a counterclockwise direction.
8. SCROTAL TRANSPOSITION
AFFECTS: MALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: Common enough that I could find several disgusting photos of it on the Internet, but not so much that I could find a single estimate of its frequency.
SUMMARY: The penis and scrotum switch places. The ball-sac is positioned above the Johnson and resembles elephant ears surrounding the trunk.
9. PERSISTENT CLOACA
AFFECTS: FEMALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: 1 per 20,000 female births
SUMMARY: The rectum, vagina, and urethra converge into one nauseating, funnel-like drainage hole located somewhere in the “taint” area between the clitoris and buttocks. Poop, pee, and vaginal sludge mingle freely. Corrective surgery is costly, complicated, and risky.
10. DOUBLE VAGINA
AFFECTS: FEMALES ONLY
FREQUENCY OF OCCURRENCE: 1 per 1,000 female births
SUMMARY: A superfluous fleshy wall divides the vagina like a folding room divider splits an apartment in two. Upon loss of virginity, one section stretches and assumes the role of “dominant” vagina. The other half becomes as cramped as a broom closet and thus infinitely more desirable.
