24 Reasons Why Women Are Not Funny
Because our breasts get in the way of the microphone, and having them slam into the mic stand is not only painful, but also dangerous.
By 
Mary McMahon
There’s been a lot of chitter chatter recently about how women aren’t funny. Let’s just end the debate completely with these very scientific and well-thought-out reasons as to why women are absolutely NOT funny.
1. We are far too emotional to understand the concept of comedy. Laughing? PSH! Leave us to cry alone in the dark to Adele’s new album.
2. We would rather be considered pretty than funny. We all know you can’t be both.
3. Our frontal lobes are shaped differently and we can’t possibly comprehend the mechanics and arduous work that goes into creating great comedic content, like Super Bad, Little Nicky, and White Chicks, just to name a few.
4. We are too busy fighting the patriarchy.
5. We simply choose not to be funny because we’d only get paid 77 cents per joke.
6. Men are already doing such a great job, we wouldn’t want to interfere. That would be impolite.
7. How are we supposed to take our jobs as wives and mothers seriously if everything is a joke?!
8. All we talk about is our periods and vaginas, which is DISGUSTING. Leave that icky stuff for the doctors office.
9. Because we are less prone to psychosis and schizophrenia. It’s just science, I guess.
10. Because our breasts get in the way of the microphone, and having them slam into the mic stand is not only painful, but also dangerous.
11. We simply do not want to violate any norms to make people uncomfortable or hurt anyone’s ego, so we just don’t even try.
12. When it comes to being funny, just like math and science, we have been told throughout our lives that “women aren’t good at that.”
13. Like small children, women should be seen and not heard! DUH!
14. Because we’re not able to make a sexual joke without being demeaned or sexually harassed by audience members and society. It’s just easier to avoid using our mouths for words entirely.
15. The comedy scene is usually a late-night hours activity. We all know that the “dark” and “nighttime” are dangerous for fragile, weak women to be out and about all alone. It’s really a matter of self-preservation.
16. Because a career in comedy can take years and years of work to be successful. All that time would go to waste during our most precious child-bearing years.
17. Men don’t see humor to be a necessity when finding a mate, and we will do just about anything to morph ourselves into the perfect woman for the men that we want to date.
18. Because our 4th grade teacher told us it wasn’t ladylike to make jokes, while all the boys in our class were making fart noises with each other’s arms.
19. We are too emotionally fragile to even think about the notion of ever failing on stage in front of a whole bunch of people.
20. Because stereotypes are a crippling factor in our society’s reach to be more inclusive of people different of us. *cough* white dudes *cough*
21. We want to age gracefully because only youthful women are valuable to society, and we all know that laughing gives you wrinkles and crows feet.
22. How on earth are we supposed to wear our high heels if we are constantly fumbling around a stage? Don’t get me started on all those mini skirts we like to wear!
23. We can’t even make up enough reasons to think up why we aren’t funny.
24. Because we are not here for your entertainment. Sorry fellas, your opinion means nothing. *hair flip* 
