9 Women Describe The Crazy Things Their Menstrual Cycle Makes Them Endure
1. I HAD VISIONS OF PUTTING MY CHILD’S HEAD THROUGH A WALL
“I’m not just a little bitchy when my cycle nears its end. I’m Maleficent and Cruella de Vil and Ursula the Sea Witch all rolled into one. Any little thing can set me off, and my reactions are extreme….Three years ago, I became so enraged with my whining child that I had visions of putting her head through a wall. I stood, just feet away from her, and as she cried, I shook as my brain formed a picture of my hands wrapped ’round her small head, pushing her toward the wall. I didn’t do it, but I wanted to, with every fiber of my being, and it scared the crap out of me….I’m not a violent person. I never pulled wings off flies when I was a kid. I don’t even believe in spanking.”
2. STAY AWAY FROM MOMMY!
“‘You need to leave Mom alone, RIGHT NOW.’ I could feel my anger building, once again, toward my three-year-old. I knew he could sense my frustration and instead of retreating, he clung closer to me in order to feel secure. His ploys for attention, his climbing on me, his slaps were all because he wanted to know things were okay with Mommy. I understood that. However, the tightness gripping my abdomen and throat pushed screams from me. ‘THAT IS NOT OKAY! YOU CANNOT DO THAT! GO OUT OF THIS ROOM!…YOU NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM MOMMY FOR A FEW MINUTES.’ I didn’t want to hurt him. My son burst into tears because I was literally pushing him away. I don’t even know what I was yelling about, what he did or didn’t do, nor what made me so.friggin.mad. And I didn’t care. All I knew was that I wasn’t going to stop–that I DIDN’T WANT TO STOP–until he felt the intensity of my rage. That scared the shit out of me.”
3. LIKE DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE…WITHOUT THE MURDERS
“Every month, like clockwork, the switch is thrown. It begins in my blood—I feel it race through my veins, my heart skips a beat, and I need to stop whatever I’m doing to close my eyes and rub my temples. By the time I open my eyes again, I’m changed. I look into the mirror and see someone vile, wicked and ugly. Terrible thoughts cloud my judgment. It might be sunny outside, but darkness descends….This folks, is premenstrual dysphoric disorder, otherwise known as PMDD. It transforms women living with it into two people—like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde—only without, you know, the murders.”
4. I FELT TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL
“I had days during each month where I felt totally out of control. Anger and irritability were to the point that I described that my daughter was only ‘mostly safe’ on those days….Two weeks before my period I would go nuts. Irritable, crying, panicky, depressed, fighting with my husband, shutting down emotionally, wanting to curl up in a ball in my closet and cry uncontrollably. I was embarrassed and ashamed and felt guilty that my little girl would be affected from seeing me like this….The last straw was when I picked up a heavy object and seriously considered hurling it at my husband during a fit of PMDD depression/rage. I knew I had to talk to my doctor and get some kind of help.”
—Lynn
5. I THREW A KNIFE AT MY HUSBAND
“I threw a knife at my husband.…Luckily, I’m a dreadful shot, so it missed Tim and ended up stuck in the washing-up bowl….It’s not something I’m proud of. It’s like someone else takes over me.”
6. I SLASHED MY ARMS AND LEGS WITH A KNIFE
“I started my periods at 9 years old and overnight turned into a monster. I told lies, stole money, shoplifted, made up stories and experienced my first visit to psychology….I would drink recklessly, although not in any great quantity, and become aggressive and violent, toward others as well as myself. I slashed my arms and legs with a knife and threatened my partner with violence….On at least 3 occasions I took an overdose and have had several stays in psychiatric hospitals. I have been rescued from rooftops, threatened police and been in trouble with friends and family on so many occasions. It was as if I was possessed and for me the worst bit is I have no recollection of anything I have done.”
7. I’D HAVE FULL-BLOWN TANTRUMS
“As a young adult I’d have full-blown tantrums. I’d scream, cry, throw things and want to kill myself. I thought I’m moody, I’m not just depressed. I’m up and down and all over the place….Relationships have definitely ended because of it….Once I texted everyone in my phone book and told them all to leave me alone, which was awful. It can cause huge rows.”
—Cat
8. I PICK FIGHTS
“Just before my period, my insomnia peaks and my breasts ache; I eat like an Olympic athlete and do most of the month’s crying. Two distinct ‘just before my period’ memories from my adolescence are 1) sobbing for eight hours over Fried Green Tomatoes and 2) wildly cry-laughing after watching a Beatles documentary because John’s death, 15 years prior, meant I’d never see them in concert. Most of my interpersonal conflicts happen just before my period—problems that would arise eventually anyway, but impaired by PMDD, I’m intolerant. I’m impossible. I pick fights. I jump to damaging conclusions. Maybe that’s the worst of me. Or maybe that’s me.…PMS feels like standing for days in a packed subway car, trying not to lose it. My eyes burn. I’d love to scream. Screaming would feel so good.”
9. I JUST GO OFF
“I have recently realized that whenever my husband and I get into a pretty bad argument it is when I have my period. And I don’t just mean an argument. These actually get very physical with me shoving him, throwing things and then him retaliating or forcefully holding me down to try and get me to stop. This just happened today, and now he has a scratch on his arm, a sore shin from me kicking him there and a dent in the wall, while I am sore all over my body with bruises on my chest, arms, chin, legs and a sore head from him punching me in the back of it. I don’t want to make him sound like a monster, because let me be the first one to say that I deserve it. I just go off, sometimes over the simplest thing. He does instigate a little, but that is still no excuse for me to act the way that I do. I just can’t help it, though.”
