1. “Why would you trust a girl with bigger tits than her head?”
— Tamra, OC

2. “Dear God, please keep my wig on.”
— Kim, Atlanta

3. “I love to see everybody’s booty. I’m a donk-ologist.”
— Phaedra, Atlanta

4. “You don’t whip out your penis at a party.”
— Kyle, Beverly Hills

5. “Get off my jock!”
— Bethenny, NYC

6. “I’m trying to follow in the footsteps of Fergie, or Pink, or Christina Aguilera.”
— Gretchen, OC

7. “What happened to the old fashioned way, doggy style?”
— Sonja, NYC

8. “Oh bloody hell, I’m gonna have to put out tonight.”
— Lisa Vanderpump, Beverly Hills

9. “This is a cleanse? Vodka soda?”
— Lisa Vanderpump, Beverly Hills

10. “Why don’t you have a piece of bread, and maybe you’ll calm down.”
— Kim, Beverly Hills

11. “The gays would like that.”
— Lisa Rinna, Beverly Hills

12. “There’s a saying, don’t throw stones or whatever.”
— Teresa, New Jersey

13. “I’m attracted to so few people sexually.”
— Bethenny, NYC

14. “It’s not fun to be sober.”
— Brandi, Beverly Hills

15. “I have a huge Latin following.”
— Sonja, NYC

16. “I don’t know if she wants to be me, or skin me and wear me like last year’s Versace.”
— Dina, New Jersey

17. “You’re a slut from the 90s.”
— Porsha, Atlanta

18. “I am Gone with the Wind fabulous.”
— Kendra, Atlanta

19. “Bloop.”
— Nene, Atlanta

20. “No honey, I don’t do poor well.”
— Nene, Atlanta

21. “Sexy life, loyal wife.”
— Melissa, New Jersey

22. “What the f*ck is a sociopath? Like a crazy person?”
— Teresa, New Jersey

23. “I do watch porn, but I watch it for the decor.”
— Dina, New Jersey