17 Women Talk About The Difference Between Their Dream Guy And The Guy They’re Actually With

1. “I don’t have high standards i just want to date the guy from the Saint Laurent campaign. The only guys who will talk to me are either deafeningly douchey or are prematurely aging. That’s my life in a nutshell.”

—Tiffany, 31

2. “My dream guy is edgy enough to be interesting and push me out of my box but always makes me feel secure and loved. He’s also a fun partner to do things with. The guy I’m actually seeing isn’t as communicative as I’d like and he can be snobby too, so I won’t ask him to do some of the little adventures I do because he’ll think it’s stupid. He has an intellectual intensity that makes him really sexy, but that also causes stress between us because it comes at the expense of emotional intelligence sometimes.”

—Jennifer, 25

3. “I have a habit of dating guys that really aren’t a good match for me. A lot of times it’s because I feel like they have ‘potential’ or whatever and then I wake up in six months and I’ve been wasting my time. Anyway, my dream guy would probably be better at working on their own weaknesses. That’s one thing that’s very important to me and I don’t meet a lot of men that feel the same way. The last guy I was dating actually wouldn’t take a short training course to qualify for the promotion he’d been talking about wanting for months. I just can’t handle that kind of laziness.”

—Cecelia, 27

4. “My dream guy has a sense of humor and he’s got an interesting face, less Channing Tatum, more Adrien Brody. He’s got dark hair and a somewhat ghostly hue. He shares my love of horror movies. He’s not an incessant talker but can lead the convo whenever necessary (like when i’m tired and we’re at brunch). He has to be down with my family and be creative and ugh, if he has to be in a band, please, God, let it be a good band. He was never part of a frat and he DOESN’T WEAR CARGO SHORTS. He lets me finish (in bed). He’s not overly sensitive and can take a joke. If i can’t tease him, then what’s the point, honestly?

My current guy actually has most of these qualities checked off.”

—Natasha, 22

5. “I don’t get serious with people that I don’t feel any immediate ‘I could be with this person forever’ feeling. I’m a huge believer in first impressions being true and so I haven’t been serious with anyone since high school if that could even be called serious. I do what I want and spend time with who I want. I’ll know my dream guy when I find him because of how I’ll feel around him. Otherwise, I don’t have any rules.”

—Marissa, 23

6. “Would it be cheesy to say I’m marrying my dream guy in 3 months? He’s got everything I always wanted in my dream guy. So I’ve been with him since college (I’m 28 now) and although he wasn’t perfect from the get-go, he really turned into “dream man” about 3 years ago. He’s 100% committed, very sensitive to my feelings, doesn’t like to fight, and has never let me pick up the check in the seven years we’ve been together. See? Dream guy. Haha, sorry, I’m clearly very in love.”

—Lisa, 28

7. “A dream guy would be able to read my moods and what they mean. Like when your crabbiness has nothing to do with them, and you just want to be left alone, he would know to leave you be. The guy I’m ‘seeing’ thinks that it was something he did, and questions you and tries to fix it to the point of losing your sanity.

I used to want more, specifically someone who was super creative and at least a little bit of a bad boy. These days I’d stand for not being nagged about how I’m feeling by my insecure dude.”

—Jackie, 29

8. “I’m really into super athletic guys but I’ve never dated one and while dad bod is sort of a thing I’d still really like to. The guy I’m seeing can be pretty lazy and while I definitely keep myself in shape he seems to have no motivation to do the same. I’d just like to have sex that looked objectively amazing for once. A little shallow but everyone’s got their fantasy.”

—Kim, 25

9. “I got my Ph.D. about a year ago and I’ve always been very much into intellectual endeavors but I just don’t like the guys I keep meeting in academia. It’s like they’re all trying too hard to be smarter than me, like it’s a competition. I hate it. I’d love to meet someone that was smart enough but wasn’t so insecure that he felt like he had to prove himself all the time.”

—Miyumi, 30

10. “My dream guy would be old-fashioned with respect to dating. He’d be ambitious, cultured, and financially stable. The guy I’m actually seeing just wants to ‘hang out.’ He’s just ‘okay’ with his life and isn’t really ambitious at all. So, basically he approaches relationships the same way he treats his whole life. It’s amazingly boring.”

—Cynthia 26

11. “I’d like the man I end up with to be successful, hopefully in something smart like technology, maybe doing something with the web. I’d like to be able to travel with him and visit places I’ve never been. I’m a huge foodie and love doing wine tastings and things like that. He’ll also need to want to live near the beach because that’s always been a dream of mine to be able to just walk out onto the beach. The guy I’m dating now is cool but I don’t think he’s long-term material.”

—Josephine, 22

12. “I married a man when I was twenty-two that wasn’t my dream guy but was ‘stable’ and kind. We divorced a year later. He’s still a kind guy and seriously a good man but there was just no passion. I’ve been single a couple of years now and I’d really just like to meet someone that I feel passionate about like that I can’t quit them and they can’t quit me. I haven’t met him yet. Where are all the guys looking to have a passionate affair?”

—Erin, 29

13. “My dream guy doesn’t try too hard. I’m single right now but I’ve dated two or three guys that just weren’t comfortable in their own skin. They tried too hard with their clothes and hair. They tried too hard in making the right connections at their jobs. Everything they did just looked forced like they didn’t have their own style at all. Looking back, these guys were obviously super lame to every one of my friends. I just couldn’t see it at the time.”

—Mary, 24

14. “Well, my dream guy would be able to tell when I was about to have an orgasm, I can tell you that much. Seriously though, my dream guy would be more attentive. He’d notice things that were going on around him. He’d notice me without having to constantly ask me how I’m feeling or what I want to do. We’d have similar ideas and be on the same wavelength. The guy I’m dating now is a good guy but he’s just kind of oblivious. It’s like he doesn’t know to try sometimes.”

—Amy, 26

15. “I’m not looking for my dream guy anymore. I am looking for a guy that knows how to put it down and won’t cheat at the drop of a hate. I’ve dated lots of guys and it’s never worked out in the end. The big breakups were about money (he didn’t like that I made more than him) and kids (he didn’t like that I didn’t want any). So yeah, for now I’d take really good sex over about anything else.”

—Clair, 34

16. “The guy I’m dating is literally everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. I’d rather hang out with him doing nothing than hang out with any of my other friends doing something ‘exciting.’ The guy’s just chill and he has this cool way about him that’s easy and care free without being lazy or clueless. I mean, he puts me at ease every day. He’s like a breath of fresh air every day.”

—Regina, 23

17. “Lawyers are the worst. Ask me how I know. I thought my dream guy would be kind of high-powered and cocky because I’d always found that pretty hot but after a six month relationship I hated it. I guess I’m having to revise just what a dream guy is for me. Is there a confident guy out there that doesn’t turn into a controlling dick after a few months?”

—Christine, 22